I am not known to be a big joker.  In fact, it is a big joke to a lot of very close friends how serious a person I am.  So imagine my apprehension when I discovered that joking around and pretending with your kids is supposedly a good thing for their development.  So, before I started to panic in a major way and blame myself for the millions of moments I missed out adding to their better development by not being a joker, I decided to look into this and see what I missed out on doing, if I missed anything at all even.

Turns out child development experts have been doing research into the effect of joking and pretending done by parents with their toddler children.  These researchers found

…that joking and pretending by parents with their toddlers were important in building children’s social skills, learning and creativity.

Wow!  I was beginning to feel really inadequate.  Apparently, I missed out on doing something completely free that was supposed to give them this kick start in life skills!  The target age was 15-24 months and my kids have long passed that mark so did that mean it was too late to start this method of development?

Luckily, upon deeper reflection, it turns out that I am not the humourless rock I have always believed myself to be after all.  Research says that making jokes and pretending when doing things helps kids recognize these concepts, the difference between the concepts, and helps them become more creative, have more humour, promotes sociability, and thinking out of the box.

And it isn’t really too hard.  I remember there were so many instances where I was cleaning out a closet or a bag or a box of toys with my two kids and then I would ask them where things would go and they would tell me one place and I would “mistakenly” put it elsewhere.  They would laugh and call me out, and I would gasp with appropriate surprise, and this would send them into fits of giggles over how silly mommy was being.  Other things I would do would be to sig their favourite songs and change up the lyrics, all the time innocently looking at them as if I was singing the correct thing. This again would send them into gales of laughter.  These are just a few of the things I recall doing, so I am not too panicked that I have deprived them of jokes and pretend play since birth and at present.

Have I noticed anything extraordinarily different in the development of my kids? Well, honestly, the non-biased answer is not really.  They seem to me the way normal, adjusted, developing, intelligent, happy kids should be.  I will say that my son loves to make stories up in drawing and sings while explaining his drawings, and my daughter really loves mixing things up as a joke.  Is that normal? I am guessing so. Is it great to see them love to laugh and to know that they get some of that from their staid and serious mom?  It sure is.

What do you think about humor as a teaching tool?

Happy Reading!

VICKI


(Photo via Amazon.com)

For the past year or so I have been trying to figure out how to teach my boys about stranger safety. In preschool last year they learned all about fire safety and how to call 911. Their teacher explained that if something happened to me - like I fell and hit my head in the shower – they would need to call 911 to get help. I was really glad they talked about it because I hadn’t really thought about teaching them any of that. For the next few weeks following their safety lesson, the boys would ask if I was going to fall and hit my head everytime I got into the shower. So, even though I knew they need to learn how to stay safe, I didn’t want to scare them. However, I also realized that if something happened to them because I didn’t properly educate them on how to be safe — well, I would never be able to forgive myself.

I now realize that it is imparitive that they learn about stranger safety – whether it scares them or not – so I decided to bite the bullet and just do it. But how? How do I explain the difference between strangers, people they know and the handful of adults who Chris and I would entrust them with? This is a tough concept for little ones, so I went in search of something that might help me to at least start the conversation.


(photo via Amazon.com)

The first item I had was a Winnie the Pooh book called Safe at Home with Pooh. I actually didn’t buy this book with the intention of teaching the boys stranger safety. I just bought a stack of with books from the consignment store and it wasn’t until they asked me to read it that I realized what the book was about. It teaches kids not to talk to strangers and never to open the door to strangers (something I have mentioned that I don’t even do). The book was easy for them to understand and it helped get the conversation started about strangers and being safe.

As I was researching materials that might help me teach the boys about stranger safety I happened upon the website The Safe Side. I was delighted to see two familiar faces smiling back at me. The first was John Walsh, the host of America’s Most Wanted and one of the founders and key supporters of  the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children. The other face I recognized was Julie Clark — the creator of Baby Einstein. These are two people who I believe to have the best interest of children in mind and the experience to create a program that would give children the tools they need to stay safe and to do it in an entertaining way.

Of course, I decided to watch the program before the boys did just to make sure I thought it was age appropriate for them. I was relieved to see that it was highly entertaining and really great at teaching kids about “Don’t Knows” folks who are strangers and “Kind-of Knows” pretty much everyone else your child might interact with such as coaches, teachers, neighbors, family friends, doctors, librarians, etc.

N was actually very reluctant to watch the video, which made me hesitate a bit but I knew we really just needed to watch it and start discussing how to stay safe. I told him that if he thought it was too scary I would turn it off. Since I watched it before they did, I knew that they would think that “Safe Side Superchick” was really funny. She provides really important information and does so in a fun and completely goofy way. The boys both loved it and they actually asked to watch it again today. We had fun not only discussing what they should do when certain situations happen but acting it out as well.

Another thing the video recommends is that you pick three adults who you completely trust with the well being of your child and put them on a list. This way if something happens and you cannot get to your child, they will know it is okay to go with one of these people but no one else! Then there is a clear distinction of who it is okay to go with unless you (their Safe Side Adult) tell them it’s okay or they ask permission first.


(photo via Amazon.com)

They even have a Safe Side video all about internet safety. This isn’t really an issue for us right now because the boys don’t use the computer but I will probably have them watch this once they are a little older. The only thing is it might be outdated because it’s from 2006 but I’m sure the basic tips are still relevant.

So my plan is to keep talking about how to stay safe, letting them know that they can come to their Dad or I if something doesn’t seem right or makes them uncomfortable and that it is okay to yell fight, hit, kick and whatever else they need to do if someone ever grabbed them. By teaching them about safety I hope that this will help the boys to be prepared if God forbid something did happen!

So what have you done to teach your kids about stranger safety? What books, programs or websites have you used? I’d love to hear what others have done or recommend!

Thanks for Reading!

Christie


It’s important to me that my children grow up to be tolerant and accepting of others.  We have come a long way as a species but discrimination of all kids still runs rampant and will never go away.  I firmly believe that acknowledging that it will never completely go away is the first step towards teaching your children to love, respect and tolerate the differences around them.  There will always be people that pick on or dislike other types of people for irrational reasons.  Whether it’s because they see a weakness they can exploit, a difference that makes them scared, a color that they aren’t used to or a way of life that seems weird to them, people are always going to discriminate, sometimes without even realizing they are doing it.

So, how do we teach our children to not be discriminatory if we believe that sometimes these reactions are normal?  I think that is one of the reasons why I use the word “tolerant” because it seems like a reasonable goal.  It’s natural for people to react to other people in certain ways based on their experiences in life.  It’s natural for the small shy kid that used to get beat up by the giant guy down the street to be leary and want to avoid people that fit the profile of the giant guy that beat him up.  It may not be rational, just because one giant guy liked to beat up little guys, doesn’t mean they all like to but that doesn’t make the fear any less.  As a personal example, I am not small but I was the geeky awkward kid that got beat up and picked on and at the age of 34, I still get intimidated by people that remind of the bullies that used to pick on me in High School.  I believe, the key is to teach our children to understand this basic concept so when they get past their initial fear or discomfort, they can approach and treat the other person as another human being.  I am using a fairly generic example but the same concept can and does apply to sex, age, race, religion and cultural discrimination.

My kids are only 3 and 5 years old and I am delighted by the fact that they rarely notice differences in people.  They have friends of many different races and of both sexes and have never once appeared to have cared that their friends skin was slightly different.  I think discrimination is something we learn over time from our life experiences and from the people around us that influence our thoughts and guide us in life.

However, just because they have not yet reached an age where they have started noticing differences or acting/thinking about the differences they do notice, doesn’t mean we can’t start teaching our little ones about tolerance and respect for others.

Recently, I have turned to the animal kingdom to show my children two very simple lessons in creatures that couldn’t be any different yet they accepted and loved the other creature without question.  Animals are amazing for many reasons but one of the things you rarely see outside of the human species is that they don’t act cruelly towards others.  Sure, there is plenty of death in the animal kingdom but it’s for a purpose.   The two videos below warm my heard and make my kids laugh.  They show that differences don’t matter and instant connections are possible and wonderful things.

The Orangutan and the Hound

Dog and Elephant Friends


Now that we here in the East have survived a week of nothing but cold and rain the sun is finally out! It was warm at about 70 degrees Fahrenheit and everybody was outside. The amazing thing was how much everything had grown during the week of rain! The grass had been cut right before the rain started and it was over the boy’s ankles already. Of course this then makes me nervous because of the ticks. There is always something to be concerned about.

With the grass and mud I have learned that even a 13 yr. old and a 10 yr. old are in their glory. But, it was also time to pull out the yard tools and get to work. There is always some pulling of teeth (so to speak) to get the boys to want to help. The preteen years are a bit of a juggling act. Ask them if they want to help and they would rather climb a mountain. Tell them they HAVE to help and then you get the “eye-rolling silent breathing gasp treatment”. Finding a happy medium takes not only a concentrated effort on the parents’ part but also amazing is the fact that these almost full-blown teens have the answers to EVERYTHING. And finally, the family is working as a team…sigh.

After getting the work done we all sit outside and relax. My 13 yr. old wants a dirt bike. My 10 yr. old wants anything with a motor. Again we have the “talk” about how if you want something you will have to work to earn it. They both answer at the same time that they know. If they KNOW then why do we need to have this discussion at least once a week?

So we are back to discussing how fast everything grows in the rain and the newest toys they now want/need. They are going to work for what they want and have asked for extra chores. This is going to last until the middle of the week when they have to be reminded if they want those things they need to do the chores.

Two things come to mind when I think about the day. My kids are growing and changing as much as nature has shown us today. As with the flowers and grass my kids need to be fed and guided and yes pruned back every once in a awhile.

Teaching my kids they have to work and earn what they want is very important. I want them to learn how it feels to have earned something rather than just have it handed to them.  They will learn that if they really want something it is worth working hard for and in the end it will show them that they can do pretty much anything they want if they put their minds to it.

Do you give your children chores? Do they earn the money for the extra things that they want?


Values and manners; I do not know what it was like growing up in your homes but in mine, there was a strong emphasis on both these things. And these were strictly repeated and reinforced in school, and in every given occasion.  I used to think that some speeches were redundant and that, by the time I was in high school, I knew a lot of them by heart. But now, being a mother myself, I find that there really is no end to how and why you teach your kids values and manners.  Someone’s values really come out in times of trouble. I have come to see that what one values will show anyone who that person is.  Manners also show how a person thinks and what a person thinks is right and wrong.  Both, to me, are important categories for development in children.

I consider myself still quite young.  With only 3 decades under my belt and the good first of it being purely developmental, I would have to say that I certainly have not seen it all. But getting married rather young, getting separated, having two kids, and becoming a single mom to them at a very young age (them and I!); I often wonder how to teach them the things I think are important. Sometimes, I even wonder if what I think is important really is so.  Let me run down the values and manners I want to teach my kids.

Manners every kid should be taught:

#1 when asking for something, say “Please.”

#2 When receiving something, say “Thank you.” Be appreciative. Gratitude is always better than expectation. When someone helps you, say “thank you.” That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!

#3 Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.

#4 If you do need to get somebody’s attention right away, the phrase “excuse me” is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation. Also, if you bump into somebody, immediately say “Excuse me.” This phrase goes a long way.

#5 When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.

#6 The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends.

#7 Do not comment on other people’s physical characteristics unless, of course, it’s to compliment them, which is always welcome. Don’t call people mean names. Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel. No one likes a bully.

#8 When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are. But If this is going to be a long sob story, just say you are fine and return the question. Most of the time, your troubles aren’t of interest to a mere acquaintance so reserve this for friends or family.

#9 When you have spent time at your friend’s house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.

#10 Knock on closed doors — and wait to see if there’s a response — before entering.

#11 When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.

#12 Forego foul language. A potty mouth is very unattractive.

#13 Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best. And one day, this might even be you.

#14 Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don’t pick your nose in public. Do not spit on the ground! This is unhygienic and just plain nasty.

#15 As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.

#16 If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say “yes,” do so — you may learn something new.

#17 When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.

#18 Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do. Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.

#19 Don’t reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.

#20 Do not shake your legs or put your elbows on the table. They show weak character, nerves, or disinterest.

Important Values to Have:

#1 Kindness- I find that it is always better to be kind than on the defensive.  Being on the defensive is just so tiring and, often times kindness gets you better results.

#2 Gratitude- As I mentioned earlier, it is better to know how to be grateful than to be filled with expectation. No one person, whether stranger or family, can be exactly how you want them to be and today, not everyone even acts nicely so being grateful always results in positivity.

#3 Hope- Because when this is gone, there is no meaning to life.

#4 Respect- We live in a world colored by differences and respect for everyone and everything is paramount.

#5 Hard work- “Everyone has to start from some place and most often than not, it is at the bottom” This is a phrase my aunt and uncle have been teaching my cousins all their lives and it is so true.  Not only does hard work pay off but it makes what is worked for all the more special.

#6 Faith- whatever you choose to believe in, make sure that you know it well and you believe in it wholeheartedly.

#7 Love- It is what a person breathes to survive. It is important to know how to give this and receive this.

#8 Independence- Because it is very important to know how to do things on your own, even if you have one or a multitude of people ready to do anything for you.

#9 Truth- Really, at the end of the day, there is nothing to be done with a stack of untruths, so why bother shelling them out or receiving them?

#10 Responsibility- unless you want to live on an island, you must become accountable for something or someone at some point in your life.

Both lists for manners and values were listed in no particular order so this means I consider all to be equally important.  These were also listed after reflection and a lot of time with my kids. These are living lists meaning they are constantly changing as I go through life and learn myself.

What are some of the values and manners that are important to you?

Cheers,

VICKI




I had the great pleasure of working in the fine jewelry industry, for almost 15 years. During that time, I learned a lot about what it takes to provide excellent customer service. It takes a lot of hard work, involves admitting when you are wrong, finding ways to resolve issues that seem insoluble and also being a really great listener. Providing exceptional customer service builds trust, loyalty, and positive relationships.

Today, I was trying to think about what I learned - during all of those years - from interacting with many different kinds of people, day in and day out. Then my thoughts turned to how I could (and hopefully do) put those skills to work in my daily life — especially as it relates to parenting.

Hmmmm…I wonder how my children would rate me on a customer satisfaction survey?

You may have heard of tiger parenting, free-range parenting and even helicopter parenting but I have just – this very moment actually – decided to develop a parenting program which I will call Customer Service Parenting!

I know…it does have a catchy ring to it!

Before I go any further, one thing we always hear as it relates to customer service is  – “The customer is always right.” Fear not parents! While I certainly don’t believe kids are always wrong - they are still children and have a lot to learn. That being said, unbeknownst to them, my boys teach me things everyday about myself , the world and life – that I never knew before (or perhaps forgot about since becoming an adult).

I stumbled across the article, The Ten Commandments of Customer Service and decided that it provided the perfect customer service tips, to explain how great customer service and great parenting can go hand-in-hand. Let’s get started…

1. Know Who is Boss

Good news, YOU are the boss of your children. They need you to guide them, love them, care for them, set boundaries, and provide discipline when needed. That’s our job as parents. However, we must also keep in mind that just because we are in charge, and just because we are “the boss” – that doesn’t make us infallible.

2. Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener is an important aspect of parenting. I know I often have to remind myself to listen first and react second. I can’t tell you how many times I have misunderstood the intentions of the boys because I didn’t understand what they were saying, or what they were doing. I quickly realized if I had slowed down for a minute - looked them in the eyes – and asked them to explain what they were needing, it would have saved us all a lot of frustration. As in customer service – it is important to identify the needs of your children by asking the right questions, reading their their body language, listening to the tone of their voice and trying to imagine what they are feeling.

3. Identify and Anticipate Needs

The more time you take to really listen and understand your children; the easier it will be to identify and anticipate their needs in the future. As discussed in the Ten Commandments of Customer Service article, a customer’s needs are often times emotional rather than logical — and the same can be said for our children’s needs as well.

4. Make Customers Feel Important and Appreciated

Children who feel important and appreciated are more confident and develop a better sense of self. We must remember to tell our children everyday – several times a day – just how important they are to us. It is also essential that we recognize them for the things that they do – especially when they have the initiative to something with out being asked. Praising their good deeds and wise choices, makes them feel proud and encourages them to repeat the good behavior.

5. Help Customers Understand Your Systems

This is something I learned from watching Super Nanny. She says it’s important to let kids know what you expect from them and what behavior will not be tolerated. This is great because it gives children a general guideline of what is expected of them. If they don’t abide by the “house rules” they get in trouble but they will know why. I often find myself telling the boys not to do something – expecting them to know better - but sometimes they just don’t know. We have not set up house rules yet, but this is something we will be doing soon.

Last summer, bedtime for us became a huge battle. Our boys have always gone to bed very easily but for some reason, things just got really bad. I decided to take Super Nanny’s advice and listed out all of the things that we expected of them at bed time. We also implemented a reward chart and from the very first night it worked! It was incredible!!!

6. Appreciate the Power of “Yes”

This is something I need to work on. Sometimes, it’s just easier for me to say no to things the boys ask because I’m busy, or don’t want to clean up another mess. I am in no way saying to should give in to every whim, want, or whine. However, if we can stop and take a moment to think about what they are asking – and if it’s a reasonable request - you might decide a yes is best. Plus, don’t you just love to see their little faces light up when you say yes to something they really want to do?

7. Know How to Apologize

This is BIG! Parents do make mistakes. We most certainly do! It is very important that we own up to them and let our kids know it. This sometimes involves a heart-felt apology to the kiddos. They will appreciate it more than you know. It’s good for them to see that they aren’t the only ones who make mistakes, that nobody is perfect and that giving a sincere apology can really make a huge difference. It may not fix a broken vase but it can melt away anger and resentment.

8. Give more than Expected

This one is not about material things. This is about giving more of YOU — your time, attention and love. Children are only little for a very short time, why not take the extra five minutes to read them another book, or play catch a little longer, or let them have a little extra time at the park? The dishes can wait! We have those to do for the rest of our lives – but having little ones in the house goes by in a flash. Give you children more of your undivided attention and I promise you will never regret it!

9. Get Regular Feedback

Getting regular feedback from your kids can be a great way to keep communication open. This is especially important when you have older children. Find out what kids feel about the vibe in the house. Are the house rules fair and if not, why? What would they like you to do more or less of? Having a family meeting once a month to discuss these things can be really great for a family! Be sure to really listen to what they say, check in with them to make sure things are going well, and be open to constructive criticism as well.

10. Treat Employees Well

This has to do with you and your spouse. In this customer service parenting scenario you are both the employees. It is your responsibility to treat each other well, provide a united front, and stay connected. With all of the hustle and bustle of our daily life, it is easy to forget why we fell in love and had kids in the first place. We all need to make sure to compliment, love, support, and encourage each other as much as we possibly can. This essential to a blissful marriage and happy family life. Children who know that their parents love and respect each other feel much more secure. So please parents — don’t forget to take time for yourselves. Date nights are so good for you and they are FUN!

So, it seems pretty clear; if we provide our children with the best customer service we can — we will all be so much better for it!

How do you think your kids would rate YOU on a survey? We all have room to improve, I’m going to start today!!!

 

Thanks for Reading!

 

~Christie