When your child is anxious, your instinct as a parent is to make it go away as quickly as possible. You want to comfort them, fix it, and restore peace. But in trying to protect them from discomfort, many parents accidentally do the opposite. Instead of easing anxiety, they may unknowingly reinforce it.
Anxiety in kids isn’t always loud or obvious. It can look like avoidance, stomachaches, clinginess, or even anger. And if you’re not sure how to respond, it’s easy to fall into well-meaning patterns that don’t help long-term.
Here are 10 common mistakes parents make when their kids are anxious and what to do instead.
Mistake 1: Trying to Eliminate All Anxiety
It’s natural to want your child to feel calm and confident. But if your main goal is to make all anxiety disappear, you might be setting both of you up for failure. Anxiety is part of being human. Trying to erase it completely teaches kids it’s something to fear or avoid when, in reality, they need to learn how to live with it.
What helps more is teaching your child that anxiety is uncomfortable but not dangerous. It passes. It doesn’t have to control their choices.
Mistake 2: Avoiding All Triggers
It might feel like good parenting to let your child skip the birthday party, speech, or sleepover that makes them anxious. However, repeated avoidance teaches their brain that anxiety is solved by escape. Over time, their comfort zone shrinks, and their fear grows.
The better path is slow exposure. Encourage them to face small pieces of what scares them while you offer reassurance and celebrate progress.
Mistake 3: Reassuring Them Over and Over
You may find yourself saying, “You’ll be fine,” or “There’s nothing to worry about” more times than you can count. But constant reassurance often becomes a crutch. Instead of learning to tolerate uncertainty, your child becomes dependent on being told things are okay.
Eventually, you’ll need to shift from reassurance to coaching, helping them develop internal tools to manage their worries instead of always looking to you.
Mistake 4: Taking Over the Situation
When kids panic, it’s tempting to step in and fix everything—talk to the teacher, cancel the event, or handle the problem yourself. But doing this too often sends the message: “You can’t handle this on your own.”
Support them, yes. But don’t rush in too quickly. Let them take the lead when possible. Confidence builds not through success alone but through trying, failing, and trying again.
Mistake 5: Punishing the Behavior
Sometimes, anxiety comes out as defiance, tears, or tantrums. And when it disrupts routines, it’s easy to feel frustrated or think your child is just being difficult. However, punishing anxiety-based behavior without understanding its root can backfire.
Instead of discipline, your child likely needs empathy, structure, and tools to regulate their emotions.
Mistake 6: Labeling Them as “Shy” or “Dramatic”
Words stick. If a child constantly hears they’re “just shy” or “so sensitive,” they may begin to believe that’s all they are. Labels can unintentionally reinforce anxiety as part of their identity.
Try to describe behaviors, not define the person. “You’re feeling nervous about speaking in front of the class” is more helpful than “You’ve always been shy.”
Mistake 7: Not Managing Your Own Anxiety
Kids are deeply intuitive. If you’re visibly anxious about their anxiety, they’ll pick up on it. They might even feel responsible for your emotions, which adds pressure.
The best way to support an anxious child is to stay calm yourself. When they see you navigating stress with steadiness, it becomes a model they can follow.
Mistake 8: Expecting Them to “Just Get Over It”
Growth takes time. While it’s good to challenge your child, expecting instant change or pushing too hard can create more fear and shame. Kids need patience. They need space to move through anxiety at their own pace with encouragement, not pressure.
Consistent, gentle nudges forward tend to work better than frustrated commands to “just do it already.”
Mistake 9: Not Talking About What’s Going On
Some parents avoid discussing anxiety out of fear that it might make things worse. But silence can make kids feel more alone. It can also send the message that their fears are too big or too weird to be talked about.
Open, honest conversations at an age-appropriate level help normalize their experience. You’re not feeding the anxiety by talking about it. You’re showing them it’s okay to feel things and ask for help.
Mistake 10: Waiting Too Long to Get Support
Sometimes, parents wait until anxiety causes major disruption—missed school, physical symptoms, or isolation—before they seek help. But earlier intervention can prevent bigger struggles down the road.
There’s no shame in getting a therapist, counselor, or support group involved. Just like you’d get help for a broken arm, getting help for anxiety is a responsible, loving step—not a failure.
Raising an anxious child can be challenging, emotional, and sometimes overwhelming. But with the right tools and a little unlearning of common mistakes, you can create a space where your child feels safe, supported, and empowered to face their fears.
What’s one thing you’ve learned about supporting your child through anxiety that you wish more people knew?
Read More:
6 Signs Your Child Is Struggling with Social Anxiety
Why Tantrums Are Actually a Good Sign (And How to Respond)
Riley is an Arizona native with over nine years of writing experience. From personal finance to travel to digital marketing to pop culture, she’s written about everything under the sun. When she’s not writing, she’s spending her time outside, reading, or cuddling with her two corgis.
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