Kids Ain't Cheap

But They Sure Are Worth It

How Young is Too Young? TV Edition

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TV in Kids RoomA friend of a friend recently mentioned that she and her husband were excited about the purchase of a wall mount they got on sale so they could finally mount the TV in their son’s bedroom. While I normally wouldn’t have any real issue with this, though I do think bedrooms should be for sleeping and not TV, their son is only 14 months old. I don’t care what argument you have ready for me, 14 months is way too young to have a television in your room.

Apparently I’m the minority in this group of people (note: these are not my real close friends). When I asked a few of my other friends (and friends of friends) what they thought, they didn’t seem to be as outraged as I was. They actually liked the idea of either one, having the TV on a channel appropriate for children  or two, for slightly older children, teaching them how to use the remote and programming their TV for children appropriate channels, or using a service like Rogers Anyplace TV.

What?!

I cannot imagine ever putting a television in my young child’s room and especially leaving it on since they’re too young to even use a remote!

Maybe I’m alone on this. TV was never a hug part of my upbringing. I only had access to five channels growing up (on the one TV in the house) until highschool when my sister and I got jobs and started giving my mom a few dollars per month towards the cable bill since we deemed it necessary to have all cable channels (we needed access to MuchMusic and MTV!) Maybe I don’t ”get” it. My husband loves TV but I could easily live without it. When our little-one is around, other than the very odd episode of DVR’d/DVD/Netflix version of Thomas the Tank Engine or Elmo, or a special event like the upcoming Olympics, she doesn’t watch TV.

Though it drives me insane to read the same ten books over and over (from a collection of close to 100), given her age,  I would much rather do this all day then have her stare mindlessly at a TV.

I don’t hate the television, though I say I could live without it, I still enjoy the odd lazy day watching TV. I also respect that there are some very good programs on TV, I can honestly say they I’ve watched and learned some very interesting things thanks to the little black box in my living room but I didn’t start watching TV until I was old enough to remember. 14 months is just too young. Experts don’t recommend even introducing the TV until the age of two.

I also respect that it’s 2014 and the world is changing. There are children’s shows that are interactive and try to teach your child things. Children learn much better when they actually interact and get feedback, not from talking to a screen. Though I think it’s fun to supplement educational tools with TV or iDevices please don’t rely on these to teach your children necessary skills. Talk to them. Read to them. Play with them and watch them grow.

Also, as a safety precaution I don’t recommend mounting the TV above the child’s crib. Yeah, they did that too.

Am I being too harsh? Do you think it’s OK to have a TV in the room of a very young child?

Prepping Your High School Grad’s Finances for College

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HS Grad FinancesWithin the next few weeks, high school kids around the world will be prepping to embark on one of the biggest adventures in their life. They will be leaving the comforts of what they know and preparing to attend college.

 

Start Early

College, is an experience that far too many kids are not prepared for. It is an exciting time full of many emotions. Graduation is not the time to start preparing your child for financial independence.With other concerns at the forefront of their teenage brains, such as prom and ironing out frosh-week plans, your child will likely not be in the best mindset to absorb all the important information you have to share. For this reason, it is important that you start financial lessons early in their life. The earlier you start, the better equipped they will be.

For example, even before thinking about college, you should encourage your child to get an internship or apprenticeship so that they can learn the tools of the trade they are interested in.  Places like City & Guilds has lots of information that can help you start early.

 

Start With Basics

If you accomplish nothing else, make sure you don’t send you child off until they know the financial basics. Ideally these foundations are laid throughout their upbringing but make sure the absolutely understand the basics before leaving home. The financial basics include:

  • Budgeting
  • Borrowing and implications of borrowing (loans, credit cards, lines of credit etc)
  • Debt and all responsibilities associated

If they don’t understand these simple basics, they will be starting their life, in a financial turmoil. A child needs to understand how to manage money before leaving home since the ”real world” will completely overwhelm them with opportunities to make bad decisions.

 

Opportunities

Opportunities to make bad financial decisions are everywhere. Most of these decisions are due to lack of education but totally avoidable.

It was lack of education that was the catalyst of my bad financial decision-making. I started university, knowing nothing about budgeting or borrowing money. I knew that credit cards eventually needed to be paid back but, like so many, thought as long as I was making  the minimum payment I was fine. I thought a credit card was a great invention; instead of using my hard-earned paycheque to pay for gas/clothes/textbooks, I could charge it onto my credit card only be required to make a much lower minimum payment. It wasn’t until many years later that I truly understood the implications of my actions.

 

Smart Doesn’t Mean Knowledgable

Though I would consider myself well-educated, understanding my personal finances was totally foreign to me. I wish I had been educated prior to getting my first credit card but I didn’t, and subsequently ended up borrowing much more than I needed for university. Just because someone is smart academically, doesn’t mean they know anything about simple life basics. Too many parents assume that their bright children work hard in school, get scholarships and have life totally figured out. This is completely untrue.

Knowledge is based on a lifetime of experiences, something most young high school grads lack. Given their age, it is impossible for them to have had much opportunity to become well knowledgeable on real-world finances. It if for this reason that we as parents need to teach them from what we have learned.

What financial lessons have you learned, the hard way, which you’ll now be able to teach your children?

What I Miss About Pre-Kid Days

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pre-kid memoriesI hope this post isn’t misinterpreted. I love having a child. I wanted to be a mother more than anything in the world and it’s the best ”job” I’ve ever had. She challenges me in ways I didn’t know existed and has totally completed me. Call it cheesy but it’s the truth.

In spite of everything I adore about being a mom, there are a few things I truly miss about my pre-mom days. Things that  I have accepted will be a long time before I experience again.

 

Using the Bathroom

People tried to warn me to enjoy my bathroom time while I could and now I totally understand. If my husband is home, I’m sometimes fortunate enough to pee by myself but even that’s no guarantee. Unless I wake before kiddo in the morning, which is a rarity since she’s an earlier riser just like momma, I shower with an audience on a near daily basis. Having a child totally strips you of all privacy.

 

Enjoying Food

In the early days of motherhood, eating was an Olympic event. I would prepare and eat my food as fast as humanly possible. Choking was an afterthought. This was if I remembered to eat at all. Nowadays I have a little more freedom since she’s slightly more independent, but she has a vested interest in everything that enters my mouth. Even if it’s the same food on her plate, or something I know she will hate, she still only wants to eat Mommy’s food. This can make mealtime a bit of an event in its own. Unless she’s asleep, or I’m at work, rarely do I truly get to enjoy my meal.

 

Freedom

Gone are the days that I can plan to do what I want, when I want. Though we still do all the things we love, it now revolves around nap time, meals and bedtime. Having a schedule for her is imperative. This is no revolution on my behalf, I knew this was going to be the case as soon as she was born but I do miss the ease of my former schedule and the ability to get things done. I’d be lying if I said I wish I didn’t have to think about packing an additional 74505 things for our family vacation, it’s time-consuming and a lot of effort. 

Though there are things I miss about my life before motherhood. I wouldn’t change any of it. Sure I can’t eat all my meals alone and have to think about her schedule for the next 18 or so years, I love it. I love the sticky hand prints all over my coffee table, the knocks on the door when I’m trying to use the washroom and the true love she has for us.

Children are the most honest and loving creatures out there. The love and appreciation she shows us everyday continues to blow my mind. I love being a mom more than anything in the world, even peeing alone.

What do you miss from your pre-kid days?

Rewarding Students for Good Grades?

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Rewarding Students for Good GradesGrowing up, children have very few responsibilities in life, make your bed, help with chores, be a nice person and do well in school. Given that doing well in school is really the only task throughout your day that requires any real effort, should we be rewarding our children for good grades? Something we expect from them anyway?

 

Rewarding Good Behavior

Rewarding a good, or positive, behavior isn’t necessarily a bad thing. People in general, do better in life when they receive positive reinforcement. As a working adult, if I only ever heard from my boss when I did something wrong, I would begin to resent our relationship and loath anytime he wanted to chat with me. We, as humans, like to know when we’ve done something good, or right, and always appreciate the acknowledgement of a job well done.

 

Not All Kids Are Self Motivated

Kids are no different. If you’re struggling to have them help with chores around the house, a simple reward chart that includes something small like stickers every time they accomplish something, is often enough incentive to have them work harder. Kids like to see how far they’ve come and how far they have to go. They are very visual learners.

Not all children are self-motivated. Some kids are innately self-motivated while others are not and need sticker charts for chores. I was always self-motivated and getting good grades for myself was all that I needed. I didn’t need my mom asking me if my homework was done. Of course it was. I motivated myself through life on nothing other than good grades and hard work, but most of my friends did not. Though my friends did well in school it was often because their parents helped them with homework every night and rewarded them at the end the year for a job well done in the form of a present.

There is nothing wrong with parents helping children with homework, on the contrary. I think it is hugely important to understand everything your child is learning for more reason than one, but I don’t know if rewarding them at the end of the year for a job well done is the right message.

 

Sending Mixed Signals

My concern is that if a child is rewarded with a present at the end of the school year for doing something we expected them to do anyway, they will maintain this mentality throughout life. As  adults we know not all jobs have bonuses and rewards for simply doing your job. What job satisfaction will they have if they don’t get a bonus or reward? Shouldn’t we teach our children to be happy with a job well done and not have them expect a present?

 

My Thoughts on Rewarding Students for Good Grades

I am of the opinion that children should be taught to be proud of what they accomplish academically. That praise from family and friends should be enough. I don’t think it’s appropriate to buy a 5th grader a new bike because they finished the school year with good grades, as expected. Upon high school graduation, I think a gift is appropriate to acknowledge many years worth of work and effort coming to an end, and the movement into the next phase in life. Individual grading gifts are over the top though. At the end of the school year, have a nice family gathering and celebrate the end of the academic year and start of summer together. Congratulate your child for a job well done in non-monetary or material items.

For more on kids and their education check out these other great articles.

What to Get The Graduate in Your Life
What Would You Sacrifice to Pay for Your Child’s Education
Should You Save For Post Secondary or Spend it on Experience?

What is your opinion on grading gifts?

She Only Needs Me For a Short Time

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Source: Real Beautiful 
Source: <a href="http://www.realbeautiful.ca/">Real Beautiful </a>

At almost ten months old, my daughter is still not sleeping through the night. She wakes a minimum of twice between 8pm and 7am. Realistically it’s probably closer to four times. When all else fails, it sometimes comes down to me nursing her back to sleep even though I know she isn’t waking due to hunger since she nurses well throughout the day and is now on solid foods. She wakes because she needs something. Reassurance, mom, or just comfort.

After ten months it’s exhausting still waking as much as we do. I expected it in the early days and first few months, but I wasn’t prepared to still not be sleeping through the night at ten months. This is one of those ”not in the brochure” items. I’m not complaining though.

As I sit in her room, holding her in our rocking chair desperately trying to get her back to sleep at 2am, I remind myself she won’t need me for long. That I need to cherish even the difficult moments because in just a few very short years I’ll be begging her for a hug and cuddle.

She will learn to sleep eventually. Though it seems very natural to us as adults, sleep is a learned skill. I can’t look my daughter and ask her to just close her eyes, relax and fall asleep. We all know it isn’t that easy. We’ve tried many different sleep training techniques but they don’t work for us. We always end up back to the family bed where we all sleep better. Not perfect, but better.

 

Don’t Leave Mommy!

Separation anxiety is another thing we’re now dealing with. My understanding is that if a child goes through this phase it peaks around nine to ten months. Yippie. If she’s tired and mommy isn’t around, all hell will break loose. It can be frustrating to be cooking dinner and have a baby become super clingy, only wanting to be held. To be trying to clean the house and have her decide that she needs to be held instead.  Again, in these moments I need to remind myself that she’s a baby and she needs me. Sometimes Dad, Auntie or Nanny won’t do. She needs reassurance and cuddles from mom. I know that in a short time I’ll be missing these very moments, wishing for her to need me again.

It’s easy to let life dictate how you spend your time. The messy kitchen can always wait. My child will only need me for a short time in her life. I need to remember to concentrate my time on addressing her needs, no matter what time of day or what else I may have planned. I need to accept and embrace these short-lived interruptions.

 

There’s a saying, Good moms have dirty floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens and happy kids. This will be my new mantra.

Saving on Prom Expenses

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Prom Dresses

With the new year brings excitement for high school graduates. Acceptance letters coming in the mail and the excitement of prom on the horizon the title of this blog will likely come to fruition. When it comes to high school prom, the words kids ain’t cheap with likely leave your mouth.

My younger cousin recently posted a picture on Facebook advertising her prom dress for sale. She graduated last year, wore it the one time and is now looking to make some money off the dress in time for this seasons prom. What shocked me?

Prom dress for sale. Paid $800.00, asking $600.00 (firm)

$800.00 for a dress?! A prom dress at that?! I didn’t pay that much for my wedding dress!

It’s been a few years since I graduated but is this what I have in store for my daughter? Because if it is, she’s got another thing coming. I will not now, nor will I ever pay $800.00 for a dress.

 

Does Prom Have to Be Expensive?

I borrowed my prom dress, even in my youth I was always on the hunt for a good bargain. I understand that some girls don’t even want to entertain the thought of wearing a dress from last season but really? Does it matter? As adults we know it doesn’t but explaining this to a hormonal 18-year-old might be a challenge.

 

Money Saving Tips for Prom

If you want to help save money on the prom events try these tips:

  • Go to local stores to try on different dress styles but buy the dress (or similar style once you find a comfortable style) via online classifieds (craigslist, ebay) or other websites like amazon. Shopping online or shopping secondhand can potentially save hundreds.
  • Borrow the dress.
  • Borrow the tux from male friend or family member. Trust us boys, high school girls will not know the difference between a high-end, name-brand tux and a borrowed one, just make sure it fits properly.
  • Split the vehicle cost among friends. I know graduates get excited about rolling up to prom in style often renting fancy cars. Consider a larger vehicle like a limo or party bus and splitting the cost among many friends.
  • Don’t waste money on jewelry. The other thing my cousin did was go out and spend over $200.00 on earrings and a necklace! Stores like Claire’s offer great costume jewelry at a fraction that a jeweler would charge. Sites like etsy.com also offer beautiful handmade and vintage options (I used Etsy for all of my wedding party jewelry, great site)
  • Check out consignment shops for everything (dress, tux, shoes, jewelry).

I know it’ll be hard but try to explain to your child that it’s about making memories and in many years it won’t matter what they wore because it’ll already be out of style 😉

Decorating Your Child’s Room

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Decorating a CribA child’s room needs to feel like it’s theirs.  When you bring home the baby, you never quite know what their personality will be.  You probably make the room either pink or blue, depending on the sex of the baby, and you also probably put your own spin on the décor.  However, as they grow up, their tastes will change, and you will need to keep up.

The Baby

The baby and young child is the easiest, because what you say goes.  You just need to keep it basic with a child’s bed, a dresser, a nightstand, and a place to store their clothes.  You may even want to store their toys in their room as well (less mess in the rest of the house).  Depending on the size, you could even have a place for them to do homework, unless you want them to do it out in the kitchen or other central place in the house.

The Tween

As your child grows into a tween, you will really start to see their taste in things shine through.  Now is a great time to give them a little freedom to start decorating their own room.  You probably should keep a little say, but there is nothing wrong with a little paint and some new wall decorations.

In fact, they’re probably growing out of their baby bed and will need something a little bigger and they could choose from the number of childrens beds that are available.  If you get new furniture now, make sure that it is designed to grow with them into adulthood.

The Teen

Finally, you’re eventually going to have a teenager, and they will probably not want you going into their room very often.  They will also want the leeway to do whatever they want to their room.  If you trust them, let them do it.  Just make sure that they’re not going to cause permanent damage to the house.  Also, for your teen, consider investing in furniture that they can take with them when the leave the house.  It can be a good investment for both you and them.

How have you handled your children’s changing needs and desires for their room?

Is it Just Me or…

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My kids feel like sloths
Photo on Fotopedia

Are preschoolers slower than sloths when you want them to do something quickly? It might just be my boys – but I swear – the day they turned 3, someone turned their dials to dawdle.

Don’t get me wrong, my kids have a crazy amount of energy and are constantly in motion. The thing is, there are certain things they do very quickly and certain things that take f-o-r-e-v-e-r!

My boys can dismantle their room quickly, they learn quickly, and they can manage to find whatever it is in the house that I don’t want them to touch — you guessed it, quickly.

Things they take their time with

However, they eat slowly – which isn’t such a bad thing – but dinner time seems to drag on for so long sometimes.

Getting dressed takes awhile, but I’ve learned that if I remind N. that firemen get dressed very fast — he kicks it into high gear. However, A. isn’t motivated to move any faster than he wants to.

As we get ready to leave the house – even if it’s to do something really fun for them – they dilly-dally like you wouldn’t believe. Once we are all set and heading out the door; that’s when they decide they need something (like a book or favorite toy) that they have forgotten.

If we are crossing the street and there aren’t any cars waiting – they do it quickly. When there are cars waiting for us to cross – they are oh so slow!

Why is this?

I ponder this question quite often and all I can come up with is, they are young and easily distracted. They don’t really seem to have any sense of urgency — unless of course it’s something they want right now!

I have heard a rumor that this gets better as they turn 4 and even more so at 5. I really hope so.

Do your kids dilly-dally like this? When did they start to grow out of it?

Teaching Responsibility-Your Children Will Surprise You

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Spiderman and responsibilityWe all want our children to grow up to be responsible adults. We spend time nurturing and teaching and guiding so that we can form or mold them into responsible citizens. And when we look at how well they are doing we breath a sigh of relief. Parenting is not easy, there are no books and we learn as we go.

An event took place over the weekend that has made me realize just how responsible children can be. My daughter and her fiancée decided to get their first pet. This pet is a mini potbellied piglet. Because their home is not ready they asked me to help and “pig sit”. What wasn’t planned is that the piglets in the litter were pulled from mom too early and sent to a person who was the middleman.

Being the responsible grandmother that I intended to be in the piglet world I went with the kids to pick up the “baby”. Okay, can anyone guess what happens next? Long story short we have twins. And being dehydrated they need constant care.

Teaching my children to care for baby pets

I have learned that two boys ages 13 and 10 can be excellent caregivers. If piglets can get these boys up at 5am to help bottle-feed then I should have done this long ago! I have also learned that my daughter and her fiancée are going to be excellent parents to human children someday. Kids, if you are reading this please hold off on the human grandbabies until I recoup from piglets.

Teaching our children is not always easy. We have the usual homework battles as well as the getting up for school issues. We certainly are not the Brady Bunch. But watching my family care and nurture the piglets has made me realize just how far these children we have raised have come. Will they turn out to be responsible adults? I hope they will!

We as parents tend to get caught up in the everyday tasks of life. We are often so busy that we don’t take time to actually stop and see just how our efforts pay off.

Even before having children of our own we hear and read just how hard parenting can be. Truth is, the experts are right, it is tough and overwhelming at times. There is something the experts can’t show or tell us though. They can’t make our hearts swell with pride anywhere near as well as our children can!

So parents give yourself a pat on the back….we continue the tough job but we manage to get the job done with great rewards.

Do you have pets? How have you gotten your children to help care for them?

Holding Your Baby Close

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There is no feeling that compares with having a child, seeing that precious baby for the first time and eagerly anticipating all the time you will be spending together.  When I had my children, it was indescribable.  I wanted them with me all the time, everywhere I went.  But I couldn’t carry them for long periods without help because I had a Cesarean section when I had them.  There were two things that helped me out and which I recommend for any mommy or daddy when carrying your child.

When The Baby is Tiny

baby slingI used a baby sling when my children were newborns until they could sit easily on their own.  This made it so much easier for me to carry them because I didn’t have to use my core to carry the weight. Even a 6lb. baby is heavy when you’ve just had a C-section!  My baby never fussed because he felt like it was just me holding him. He was never aware of the fact that the sling was doing more than half of the carrying work. The sling also helped keep me private when I was breastfeeding.

From a vain perspective, a baby sling was also great in terms of style.  Becuase it looks like a long shawl and it comes in so many different designs, I was able to carry my baby around comfortably with some style.

Daddy’s can use the baby sling as well. It is very easy to use and is adjustable so anyone can use it. It helps give Dad’s who are not as confident yet with carrying their child on their own, that additional support. This gave my husband the opportunity to carry our child around a lot.  He told me that he felt more comfortable carrying our son with a little help from the baby sling. He was able to focus on our baby and not on whether he was carrying him the wrong way.

One really good thing as well was that the baby sling was not very expensive.

As Your Baby Grows Up

backpack baby carrierI chose to use the baby sling until my son was arougnd 8 months old.  You can use it for longer as long as your child still satys withing the recommended weight that the sling can handle.  But I prefered the baby backpack carrier at this time.

By this time I was up and about again and I was trying to get back into shape and lose the baby weight. The backpack carrier just made it really easy for me to take my son on long walks around the park with me. It had durable and adjustable straps, a lot of comfortable cushioning so he wasn’t squeezed in too tight, pinched uncomfortably anywhere, or unsafely belted in. I made sure the backpack carrier I got was ergo-checked as well so I was assured I wasn’t doing damage to me or my baby in using it. It cost more than the baby sling but I was able to set aside something for this by this time.

The question now is, what is the best baby carrier?

And the winner is?

The thing about this question for me is that it is all about the parent’s preference.  I loved the use of the baby sling and the backpack carrier both at different points of my baby’s development. For me, it was about answering my need for myself and my child at different times.  So the best thing to do is this:

1.  Know what you want and need for yourself and for your child when taking care of your precious baby.

2.  Research.  Look at reviews and testimonials from other parents who have used baby carriers. Ask the opinion of  your friends who are parents. Look at manufactures ratings as well. Look at the baby carriers you are eyeing and see what materials they are made of and if these are durable and safe.

3. Remember that there is no hard and fast rule except that you keep yourself and your child comfortable and safe.

So, good luck with the purchase. Have fun with it and enjoy every moment carrying your child!

 How did you carry your baby around? What would you do differently next time?

What to do When Your Child Outgrows Something

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baby clothesAs parents we all want our children to look good in the outfits we buy them. We spend a lot of time, effort and money choosing just the right ones. And we also spend a vast amount of energy trying to keep the clothes clean and stain free.

But, as we all know too well the new clothing does not fit them for very long. Or it is time to pack away clothing for the season that has passed knowing the items will not fit the following season. What do you do when your child has outgrown something? Do you give it away? Do you have younger children that it is passed down to?

If not, here a few ideas to help get more life out of the clothing rather than just throw it away.

Hand-Me Downs

There is always the chance the child will have a younger sibling. If you would like to hold onto a few of the outfits now is the time to think about storage. Making sure the items are clean and stored in airtight containers in a dry place is essential in making them last to be worn again.

Sell Them

For the parent who wants to make some extra money for the clothing that has been outgrown you could always resell it. There are consignment shops as well as websites and businesses such as Ebay, Remember, you will have to pay a consignment fee on the items you sell and on Ebay and such companies you will also need to pay for shipping.

Donate Them

For those who have enough to handle with the house and children and the job reselling may not be something you are interested in. There are plenty of places that will take clothing your children have outgrown and put them to good use. The Salvation Army will take them and sell them at an inexpensive price. This is extremely helpful for those parents that do not have the extra cash for clothing. Another option is to take them to a homeless shelter if you have one in your area. My children have learned that giving to those who do not have anything is a great way to help out. As a matter of fact the older ones will take care of the clothing better because they know it helps others and they want them to look good in the clothing.

When donating clothing be sure to get a tax receipt. Although it may not be much it will still help on the taxes and every little bit helps in the end.

Find New Uses For Them

Clothes that just cannot be salvaged can be used as rags for cleaning. Reusing outgrown and unsalvageable clothing for spills and cleaning and then tossing them in the laundry helps reduce the use of paper towels and actually saves money in the long run.

What to do when your child outgrows something could even turn into great craft projects! Squares of cut fabric can be used to make scented hot pads or even doll clothes. And for those of us with boys the possibilities never end! Anyone have a dinosaur that needs an outfit?

What have you done with items your children have outgrown?

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