Kids Ain't Cheap

But They Sure Are Worth It

Why Some Parents Resent Their Kids—But Can’t Say It Out Loud

| Leave a Comment

Why Some Parents Resent Their Kids But Cant Say It Out Loud

It’s the secret many parents carry in silence: moments of resentment toward the very children they love more than anything. These feelings are often tangled in guilt, buried under the weight of expectation, and dismissed with a quick “I’m just tired.” But they’re real, and they matter—because ignoring them doesn’t make them go away. Resentment doesn’t mean you’re a bad parent; it means you’re human, stretched thin in a role that demands more than anyone ever admits. Exploring why some parents feel this way can help shift the narrative from shame to self-awareness, and maybe even offer some peace in the process.

1. The Loss of Personal Identity

Becoming a parent often means putting your own goals, needs, and identity on pause—or at least turning the volume way down. You stop being Sarah or Michael and start being “Mom” or “Dad” around the clock. The hobbies, dreams, and independence that once defined you may feel like distant memories. Over time, that erasure of self can lead to frustration and emotional fatigue. Feeling resentment in moments like this isn’t about blaming the child—it’s about mourning the version of yourself that feels like it disappeared.

2. The Constant Mental Load

It’s not just the physical work of parenting that wears people down—it’s the invisible checklist that never stops running. From remembering appointments and managing school deadlines to tracking who likes what snack this week, the mental load is endless. When one parent carries the majority of that burden, even small requests can feel like the final straw. This imbalance can create tension and lead to quiet resentment, especially when it feels like no one sees how much you’re doing. It’s not the child causing the stress—it’s the system you’re stuck navigating.

3. Unrealistic Expectations and Pressure

Social media, parenting books, and even well-meaning friends can set standards that no real human can meet. Parents feel pressure to be endlessly patient, creative, emotionally present, and perfectly balanced—every single day. When real life doesn’t match that highlight reel, it’s easy to feel like a failure. Resentment can bubble up when you’re constantly chasing a version of parenthood that doesn’t actually exist. Sometimes, just acknowledging that you’re doing enough is the first step toward releasing that pressure.

4. Lack of Support or Help

Parenting was never meant to be done in isolation, yet many parents find themselves raising children without a village. Whether it’s a missing co-parent, absent family, or just a lack of community support, doing it all alone can break even the most devoted caregiver. Resentment grows when the weight of raising a family falls solely on one person’s shoulders. It’s not about loving your child less—it’s about needing help and not getting it.

5. Feeling Trapped or Stuck

It’s not uncommon for parents to feel like they’ve lost control over their time, their energy, or even their future. Career paths may shift, social lives may vanish, and financial goals might get put on hold indefinitely. When everything in life feels dictated by nap schedules, school pickups, and tantrum management, even the most grateful parent can feel trapped. That sense of being stuck can lead to guilt-laced resentment, especially when there’s no clear off-ramp or break in sight.

6. Emotional Exhaustion and Burnout

There’s tired, and then there’s parent tired—a whole-body, whole-soul kind of exhaustion that builds day after day. When your emotional cup is empty, small things feel big, and patience runs thin. You might resent the sound of your name being called 400 times a day, not because you don’t love your child, but because you haven’t had a quiet thought in weeks. Burnout isn’t a failure—it’s a warning sign that something needs to change. Parents aren’t robots, and without care and rest, even the best intentions wear down.

7. Grieving the Life You Imagined

Sometimes the life you pictured before having kids looks nothing like the one you’re living now. Whether it’s a child with special needs, financial hardship, or simply the reality that parenting is harder than expected, unmet expectations can hurt. Grief isn’t always about loss in the traditional sense—it can also come from the gap between hope and reality. That gap can create resentment, especially when no one talks about how common it is. Recognizing that grief doesn’t negate love is a powerful way to move forward.

8. Comparison With Other Families

Watching other parents seem to breeze through parenting with smiling kids and organic snacks can be enough to make anyone feel resentful. Comparison is the thief of joy, but it’s hard not to measure yourself against other families who appear to have it all together. It’s especially painful when your own situation feels messy, loud, or lonely in contrast. That bitterness isn’t about your child—it’s about the crushing feeling that everyone else has a map and you’re just guessing. Remember, you’re only seeing the highlight reel—not the behind-the-scenes chaos.

9. Lack of Honest Conversation

Most parents never say these things out loud—not to friends, not to partners, and definitely not to themselves. The silence around resentment only makes it worse, locking parents into cycles of guilt and shame. But bringing these feelings into the light doesn’t make you ungrateful or unfit—it makes you real. Honest conversations create space for healing, self-reflection, and even better connection with your kids. Parenting is hard, and talking about it should never be taboo.

Naming It Doesn’t Mean You Love Them Less

Resentment is one of the most misunderstood emotions in parenting, but it’s often rooted in unmet needs—not in a lack of love. When we allow space to explore these feelings without shame, we give ourselves room to grow, recover, and reconnect. Admitting that you feel overwhelmed, exhausted, or lost doesn’t make you a bad parent—it makes you human. By naming what’s hard, you open the door to healthier, more honest parenting. And sometimes, saying the quiet part out loud is exactly what sets you free.

Have you ever felt resentment as a parent? What helped you work through it? Share your story in the comments so no one has to feel alone.

Read More:

7 Reasons Some Parents Regret Having Kids—And Why We Shouldn’t Judge

Why Burned-Out Moms Are Fantasizing About Running Away

How Parenting Trends Are Changing the Way Kids Grow Up

| Leave a Comment

Image by Kelly Sikkema 

Childhood looks a lot different today than it did even a decade ago. From screen time rules to shifting discipline styles, parenting trends are changing, and so are the kids being raised by them. While every generation adapts to new social norms, technology, and philosophies, the current wave of parenting shifts is influencing not only how children behave but how they think, feel, and relate to the world.

Some of these changes are intentional. Others are the byproduct of a hyper-connected world and rapidly evolving societal expectations. Whether you’re a parent trying to make sense of it all or just observing the shift from the sidelines, it’s worth exploring how these trends are shaping the next generation.

Gentle Parenting: Redefining Discipline

One of the most talked-about trends today is gentle parenting. This approach focuses on empathy, connection, and communication rather than punishment or traditional discipline. The goal isn’t to eliminate consequences but to guide behavior through understanding rather than fear.

This shift teaches kids how to regulate their emotions instead of simply suppressing them. While critics argue it lacks structure or accountability, proponents say it equips kids with stronger emotional intelligence and resilience.

The Rise of Child-Led Learning

Traditional learning models are giving way to more flexible, child-led approaches in both education and parenting. From Montessori classrooms to homeschooling and “unschooling,” many parents are now choosing to follow their child’s interests rather than forcing a one-size-fits-all curriculum.

The benefit? A child who feels more motivated, confident, and curious. The risk? Not every child thrives without structured guidance, and not every parent is equipped to tailor education in this way.

Still, the move toward valuing creativity, autonomy, and individualized learning is a hallmark of today’s parenting mindset.

Digital Awareness and Tech Boundaries

No generation has grown up with more access to screens than today’s kids. As a result, modern parenting is deeply intertwined with digital awareness. From limiting screen time to monitoring social media, parents are grappling with how to keep their kids safe without sheltering them too much.

There’s also a growing emphasis on modeling healthy digital behavior. Many parents now consider their own screen habits fair game for self-reflection. After all, you can’t expect a child to unplug when the adult in the room is scrolling endlessly.

Mental Health Matters More Than Ever

Gone are the days when “toughening up” was the go-to response to childhood anxiety or sadness. Today, parents are more attuned to their child’s emotional well-being than ever before. Therapy is less stigmatized, mindfulness practices are being taught in schools, and children are learning to talk about their feelings at a much younger age.

This emotional openness is helping to reduce shame, build empathy, and normalize asking for help—skills that many adults today wish they had learned earlier in life.

Helicopter to Free-Range: Finding Balance

Parenting styles have swung dramatically between hovering and hands-off. While “helicopter parenting” once ruled the playground, many parents are now embracing more “free-range” philosophies, letting kids explore independence with fewer restrictions.

This doesn’t mean being neglectful. It means teaching responsibility by giving kids space to make decisions, solve problems, and even fail. When done well, this balance fosters self-confidence and critical thinking. When taken too far, it can leave kids without the support they need.

Social Awareness Starts Younger

Many of today’s kids are growing up in households where conversations about race, gender identity, environmentalism, and equity are not only encouraged. They’re expected. Parents are exposing their children to diverse books, inclusive media, and open dialogue about real-world issues.

This early exposure is creating a generation of socially conscious young people who aren’t afraid to ask questions, stand up for others, or challenge outdated norms.

Are These Trends Helping or Hurting?

It’s easy to criticize modern parenting, just as every generation has done to the ones before it. But what’s clear is that today’s trends are creating children who are more emotionally literate, socially aware, and tech-savvy than ever before. The challenge is finding the balance between softness and structure, freedom and responsibility, awareness, and anxiety.

No parenting trend is perfect, and no child is immune to struggle. But by being intentional, reflective, and willing to evolve, today’s parents are shaping a generation that may just be more compassionate, resilient, and curious than the last.

What parenting trends have you embraced or questioned, and how have they changed your child’s growth? Tell us in the comments below.

Read More:

What’s Your Parenting Style?

5 Characteristics of a Good Parent for Raising Financially Savvy Kids

Yes, I Love My Kids—But I Miss Who I Was Before I Became a Parent

| Leave a Comment

Mother reflecting on life before parenting
Image Source: Unsplash

Parenthood is life-changing, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy to say goodbye to who you were before children came along. Maybe you miss sleeping in, impromptu outings, or just the luxury of a peaceful meal where no one’s demanding more ketchup.

And then there are your deeper parts: your professional drive, creative passions, social connections. These are more than just fleeting preferences – they’re core elements of who you are. Feeling nostalgia or even a sense of loss for your pre-parent identity doesn’t make you a bad mom or dad – it makes you human.

Let’s talk about why it’s perfectly okay to both love your children wholeheartedly and miss the version of yourself that existed before parenthood redefined your life

The Shift from “Me” to “Mom” (or Dad)

Becoming a parent can feel like a seismic shift. You’re no longer who you once were; you’re now someone’s entire world, and that changes your focus, your schedule, and even how you see yourself. Research confirms that parental identity is distinct—it isn’t just another role but can reshape your entire sense of self. According to Zero to Three’s articles on parental mental health, parents commonly experience internal conflicts as they juggle new responsibilities and feelings.

It’s natural to oscillate between moments of pride and moments of loss. Recognizing this tug-of-war can help you approach your changing identity with more kindness toward yourself.

Recognizing the Parts of You That Feel “Missing”

It’s not only about missing late-night adventures or Saturday brunches with friends. You might yearn for the elements of identity that gave you purpose or excitement—like your art practice, your career ambitions, or your travel bucket list.

While parenthood offers emotional rewards beyond measure, it’s normal to feel that some parts of “old you” got lost in the shuffle. A study published in the journal Frontiers in Psychology found that a strong parental identity can coexist with feelings of grief over lost personal freedoms.

Making a list of the things you miss can clarify which ones you might reclaim—even in small ways—so you don’t lose sight of what makes you, you.

The Role of Your Parenting Style in Identity Development

Interestingly, how you parent can also shape your own self-concept. Approaches that encourage autonomy and openness, for instance, can foster growth not just in your child, but in you as well. On the flip side, methods heavy in control or conditional approval may limit both your child’s and your own emotional well-being. Realizing that your parenting style can support or stifle your evolving identity might inspire you to adopt a more balanced, empathetic approach—one that respects your child’s individuality and your own.

Mental Health and the Parental Identity Equation

Parenthood is intense. Hitching your entire identity to being “Mom” or “Dad” can set you up for emotional swings when things go off track. However, experts note that intentionally committing to parenthood while maintaining self-awareness leads to healthier emotional outcomes. This balance often involves self-care – whether that’s talking to a therapist, carving out “me time,” or joining a supportive community of parents. Don’t let guilt convince you that focusing on your mental health is selfish; it’s vital to your well-being and family harmony.

The Ripple Effect: How Your Identity Influences Your Child

Your self-perception affects your child more than you might think. Parents who feel secure in their multidimensional identity typically model confidence and emotional health, which rubs off on their kids. By showing them that it’s normal to miss parts of yourself while embracing new responsibilities, you teach resilience and authenticity. Children learn that love for family and love for personal growth aren’t mutually exclusive.

So every time you honor who you are—whether it’s indulging a hobby or standing firm in your boundaries—you’re helping your child develop a well-rounded sense of self, too.

Woman reflecting to reconnect with her past self.
Image Source: Unsplash

Starting Small: How to Reconnect with the Old You

You don’t need sweeping life changes to rediscover those lost pieces. Sometimes, tiny adjustments make a big difference:

  1. Mini-Rituals: Dedicate 15 minutes daily to read a book, paint, or revisit a creative interest.
  2. Ask for Help: Talk openly with your partner or close friends about needing some alone time—even an hour can recharge you.
  3. Blend Old and New: Combine your pre-parent self with parenting life. If you loved concerts, try a family-friendly outdoor show. If you miss cooking gourmet meals, invite your child to help chop veggies (safely!)

Practice Boundaries: It’s okay to say no sometimes—to social events, extra commitments, or even certain parenting “obligations” that weigh you down.

Rediscovering the Whole You Is a Form of Love

Feeling a twinge (or more) of loss for your pre-parent life doesn’t cancel out your devotion to your child—it underscores your humanity. Parenting demands a lot, but you shouldn’t have to lose the essence of who you are. By prioritizing all parts of yourself—past passions, present responsibilities, future dreams—you model authenticity and self-respect for your kids. And let’s face it: a parent who feels grounded and fulfilled is far better equipped to raise a resilient, confident child.

Do you find yourself missing the old you? Share how you balance your identity with parenting in the comments below. We’re all in this together, learning to love our families while still honoring the person we’ve always been.

Read More