Parenting Archives - Page 39 of 39

Why I Say No.

November 11, 2015 | Leave a Comment

A few weeks ago Huffington Post shared an article about the Benefits of Saying No. Today I share my reasoning for telling my toddler ‘No’ more times than ‘Yes’, and why rewarding for good behaviour is foolish.

I bring my daughter everywhere. Unless it’s not appropriate, she comes with us most places. I have friends who plan all their errands around their spouses schedule so the ‘kids aren’t getting dragged around’ while they do things like get groceries or go to appointments. I get it, it’s usually a whole lot easier to do some tasks like grocery shop when you don’t have grabby little hands asking for everything, but to me these are important opportunities for my daughter to learn about the world around her.

Not Rewarding Good Behaviour

I don’t believe in rewarding for good behaviour when good behaviour is expected. For us, I completely expect her to behave in a situation like grocery shopping. She does it so often with us, she knows what is expected of her. If we however brought her to a meeting at a bank and had her trapped in a tiny room for three hours, acting out might be expected. See the difference? Bribes and treats might be needed in the second scenario!

Just because she knows how to behave, doesn’t mean she doesn’t try to ask for things almost every time we go out though. The difference is that when we say no, she usually doesn’t push the issue. As each outing happens, there are fewer and fewer ‘incidences’. I honestly can’t remember the last time she put up any fight about hearing the dreaded two letter word.

Thanks to advertising, today while grocery shopping my daughter ran up and grabbed a massive container or Minions tic-tacs. She didn’t even know what they were, but wanted them because they were cute and yellow. Rather than freak out when I told her no, she said ‘’ok mommy’’ and put them back.

Over the many, many trips to the grocery store and running errands with us, she had come to learn that just because she asks for something doesn’t mean she will get it and this makes our life so much easier.

Every now and then we’ll buy her a treat but it’s usually on our accord and not when she asks for it. When we’re done errands I might suggest a treat of getting a donut for her and coffee for mommy. We’ll sit in and talk for a few minutes. I know she will enjoy this time together so much more than a random treat she eats in the car.

The stuff she wants is usually pretty cheap and harmless. Rarely does she ask for something that cost more than $2-$3. That’s not that point though. I want her to grow up understanding that she won’t get everything she asks for just because she wants it. Life isn’t that fair. Though I want my kid to have the world I want her to understand balance too and I never want her to feel like she literally has everything in the world she’s ever asked for, it’s totally unrealistic and unhealthy in my mind.

We enjoy giving special treats and surprises just as much as any parent does but by learning to say No more times than Yes, I really believe that she really appreciates things a lot more.

Catherine

Catherine is a first time momma to a rambunctious toddler. When she isn’t soaking up all that motherhood has to offer, you can find her blogging over at Plunged in Debt where she chronicles her and her husbands journey out of debt. You can also follow her on Twitter.

plungedindebt.com

The Best Smiles in Life are Free

October 15, 2014 | Leave a Comment

It’s been a while since I was actually in a McDonald’s restaurant, but I vividly remember the old menus growing up that, at the very end said, ‘’Smiles are always free’’. My experience in being a mom is that the best smiles are, in fact, free but that doesn’t stop me as a parent from chasing the need to see my child smiling through my unnecessary purchases.

I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time. Last weekend I had to go to a local big box store for an item. I was there to return something, that was it. I had no intentions of even walking around the store but when I realized I had some freedom (I was alone, no kid, no husband), I decided to capitalize on my few free moments and wander through the aisles. Given that I actually hate shopping, and am very much someone who likes to accomplish as much as possible in any given day, it was out of character for me to even want to do this, but I did.

I was scoping out the newest stuff and staring in disbelief at all the Christmas stuff that was already out, as Halloween hasn’t even passed, when I found myself walking through the book aisle. Again, innocently browsing at what was there, I instantly picked up a book with my daughters favorite character’s on it. The thought process was something like this:

‘’I need to buy this for her! She will love it and put a big smile on her face when she sees it!!’’.

At $3.50 I wasn’t breaking the bank but, though I didn’t realize it at the time, I was doing it selfishly. Though the book was for her, the book was more for me. For me, as her mom, to see her eyes light up and smile when I hand it to her.

It wasn’t until after I gave her the book when I realized what I had done. Though she was appreciative of the gesture, and thanked me for it, what she really wanted and what really got her excited was me. I had been away from her for a few hours and she wouldn’t care if I had a 10 pound chocolate bunny in my arm, she was just excited to see me and go back to mommy-daughter play time.

When I really think about it, the biggest smiles and reactions are never from when we give her something, be it a special after dinner treat or new book, it’s from when we’re sharing time together, building forts on the floor and hiding from invisible monsters, when we’re in a tickle fight or coloring a picture together. Though I will still buy things for her, I won’t buy something with the selfish intention of seeking out a smile because I know in my heart I have it in me to make her smile bigger than any object.

Catherine

plungedindebt.com

Toddlers and Television: Keeping TV Time Minimized with a Schedule

October 1, 2014 | 2 Comments

There is a growing concern for the amount of screen time children should be restricted to, and rightfully so. This includes TV’s, computers and other devices like phones.

If a child is partaking in these activities they are not doing more time valuable things like reading books or exploring the word around them. While I couldn’t agree more with this concern, we do allow our two year old to watch some television. While I do think too much TV time is detrimental for many developmental reasons, I don’t think a little bit is harmful and if anything could be (gasp) beneficial depending on what it is your child is watching.

How We Structure TV Time

The TV time in our house is limited to a few minutes in the morning and evening. This works well for us. When we wake in the morning, after I get my daughter ready for the day I allow her to watch one 20 minute TV show that was pre-recorded allowing my husband and I to grab showers and get dressed. The same is for the evening when we get home from the day. While I’m prepping supper, and my husband is tying up loose ends from his work day (which is almost always brings home) we allow another 20 min episode to give us time to get everything organized.

After the show is over the TV goes off and she has the options of playing, coloring or reading her books. I don’t like her jumping right into toys and books as soon as we get home because it makes a mess just as we’re trying to get organized. She also usually wants one or both of us to engage with her when playing (she’s an only child) so we need those few minutes to deal with our stuff so we can devout attention to her and the amazing block tower she built for us.

Hand Picking Shows

My husband and I have also gone through and hand-picked the shows we allow her to watch. There is a lot of really bad, and just plain dumb television shows for children. If she’s going to be watching something it has to be fun but also reasonably educational. We have our favorites and have pre-recorded a few episodes of each.

Our daughter knows that watching TV is a special treat of sorts. While we’d never disallow books, if she has a bad attitude or doesn’t listen to us she won’t be allowed to watch television.

Our experience with the shows we’ve picked for her has been positive. She’s learned things from the shows that she tries to teach us. Just the other day she told me a kangaroo was a marsupial and that airplanes have engines. While they’re simple lessons she has fun watching the shows, learning about new things and proud of herself for telling mom and dad about her new-found knowledge.

Books and playtime should always take priority over any screen time but I am of the opinion that it’s not a bad thing once in a while, I’d rather know exactly where she is while I’m in the shower than worrying about her tearing the house apart!

Do you allow any screen time for your toddler?

Catherine

plungedindebt.com

How to Save Money On Kids Toys

April 30, 2014 | 1 Comment

I have a young daughter and am realizing just how expensive it can be when it comes to toys. Advertisers do a great job at marketing to both parents and children in trying to convince them of what they ”need”. Most toys are not a necessity in any way. Granted, there are some really great toys/educational items we have come across that we have enjoyed but I don’t think she is any better of a toddler in terms of development because she had these toys growing up.

Given that purchasing even some items will be inevitable with kids, I have gone out of my way to figure out ways to do it as cheap as possible.

Borrow

My first option is easier for young babies and children but if there are items you can borrow from a friend of family member save your money and do it! Most of these toys (such as exersaucers, play mats, activity tables) are indestructible and easy to clean so you don’t have to worry about ruining or spreading germs. We have a friend with a daughter who is four months older than our daughter which worked out well for sharing some baby toys. As she was getting ”too old” for the objects, we inherited them temporarily. Babies especially lose interest or grow so fast they don’t play with things for very long.

Same goes for books. While we have many books purchased or gifted we also borrow a ton from the library. Makes for a fun outing and she gets ”new books” every few weeks.

Buy Used

Younger kids especially will have no way of knowing if something was used, nor do they often care. Items we couldn’t borrow from friends we often bought through online classifieds or yard sales. Again these objects were often only played with for a very short time and resold at a fraction of the cost. A quick clean restores them to brand new conditions!

Online or Price Comparison

If I must buy something new, I always check online (Amazon, Ebay etc) first since their prices almost always beat in-store. If I can’t find what I want online (or shipping isn’t included, I take my search back to the internet but to look at specific stores until I find the best price. If there is another store that does price match guarantee (sometimes even beating it by a few dollars) I usually try that route too.

Buying New: Sale, Discount or Awards Offered Only!

If we’re buying from a store, it’s a super sale or we’re getting something in return. We decided to get our daughter a specific outdoor playhouse for her upcoming birthday. Retailing around here for $300 didn’t settle well with us. For months we’ve had our eyes on online classifieds with no luck. Buying online also wasn’t an option since it was massive and was going to cost a small fortune (anywhere from $50-$100) to ship. We accepted we’d need to either change our minds on gift or buy it new. We lucked out with a 50% off sale, plus price match. We snagged the $300 playhouse for $115 (less a gift card we’ve been holding on to). We also received bonus collectors points for our purchase! I was more than happy!

Even if you only get the item on a tax-free sale, saving tax is money in your pocket! Shopping around can be tedious but in my option so worth it.

How do you save when it comes to buying kids ”toys”, other than, of course, avoiding the purchase at all?

Catherine

plungedindebt.com

How to Deal With Your Child’s Wants and Needs

April 2, 2014 | Leave a Comment

My daughter is still young enough that she doesn’t know what she wants yet (I’m find myself reigning my husband in from buying things for our daughter that she thinks she wants and needs ;), he always means well though!).

As she gets older I am fully prepared to have to explain that she can’t have everything she wants all the time. From both a financial and personal development stance, kids need to understand that things aren’t free. Hard work goes into affording all the things they desire and need.

Younger Years

While she’s still pre-school aged, as mentioned she doesn’t want much but she still desires some things.

We were walking through a store the other day and she was pointing towards the cookies in the bakery section. While the cookies only cost $3 they weren’t on the grocery list and a totally unnecessary item to buy. While buying them would have been much easier than listening to her whine the rest of the trip, I needed her to understand that she can’t get something just because she asks for it. I’m not suggesting sporadic treats once and a while aren’t nice but for us this was a moment I needed her to see she can’t always get something for asking.

On a separate occasion my husband went to the store for few items, solo, and came home with a few toys for kiddo. Toys we hadn’t budgeted for but, in his defense they were on an incredible sale. Instead of just giving them to her we opted to use them for future gifts taking from future ”budgets”. Both Easter and her birthday are approaching so we decided to wait and use them for one of these dates instead and reallocate the funds when time comes.

School Aged Kids

A patient of mine has a twelve year old son who decided that he wanted to go on two school trips this year. Both out of province and both quite expensive. Being a single mom with three kids she told him she was limited in what she could contribute and made it clear that if he wanted these trips he was 100% on the hook to pay for them through fundraising events and side jobs.

Mom explained that this was an amazing experience for them.

She had her doubts but her son has reached his goal for one trip and only has $350 left to raise for his second trip. He’s shoveled driveways each storm, walking blocks to get people to pay him, gathered recyclables for refunds ($0.05/can here) and participated in every available fundraising event. Other than the $100 retainer fee mom had to pay to hold his spot for the trips he will be 100% paying his way, all thanks to a ~~little~~ lot of hard work.

Finding ways to make money before the legal working age of 16 is difficult but not impossible. Mom mentioned she was fully prepared to pay him to help with odd jobs that are over and above his daily chores but she hasn’t had to yet. Mom is super proud of his hard work and he’s even more proud of himself knowing he’s going on these trips totally paid for himself, a grand total of almost $2,500.

Any Age

Kids want things other than objects. They want to play organized sports, take music lessons, art classes and travel. No age is too young to have them understand they can’t necessarily do it all, especially if mom and dad are paying. Next summer our daughter will be enrolled in preschool soccer in the summer and dance in the winter. If she decides she wants to do something else instead she will likely have to decide what she wants more because we won’t be in a position to pay for everything she wants.

There’s a fine line between giving your kids an experience and giving them something just because they want it. Make sure you’re able to recognize the difference before deciding what is important to them and your family.

How Do You Deal With Your Child’s Wants?

Catherine

plungedindebt.com

Being an Engaged Parent

July 2, 2013 | 1 Comment

Being a mom is easily the hardest thing I have ever, and will ever, do in my life. Being responsible for someone else’s well-being is a stressful job. There is no job in the world that gives so much stress and so much reward at the same time. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world. Trying to be the best parent I can isn’t always easy. In today’s world of fancy technology and constantly being surrounded by something it’s easy to lose focus.

Lesson From The Dental Office

Today, it’s not uncommon to have both parents working full-time. This isn’t the world that our grandparents grew up in where it was more common to have mom at home tending to all of the family’s needs.

Last week at work I had a young mom bring her son in. As soon as the little boy was sitting in the dental chair, mom was in the corner sitting in a chair frantically typing away on her phone, totally disengaged from her son’s dental appointment. When it became clear to me, evident by the rampant decay in his mouth, that mom was not brushing his teeth as he needed, I alerted mom. I asked her how he was managing with tooth brushing and how often she was doing it for him given that he was only four. She told me, and I quote:

”As you can tell, I’m a very busy woman, I don’t have time to brush his teeth, he’s four, he can do it himself…his sister had soft teeth too, it’s not my fault they’re rotten”

Yup. This is what she actually said to me. This woman’s life is too busy to brush her four-year-old’s teeth. I was so mad at her I couldn’t help myself and I responded:

”If you don’t have time to do something simple like brush his teeth, what do you have time for in his life?”

She was so taken aback by me saying anything she just stared at me, saying nothing.

She put her phone in her purse came over to he son and asked me to show her how to properly brush his teeth. I was so happy she decided to become engaged in his appointment and learn from her mistake.

Engaged Parenting

I see this sort of thing every day. Parents seem to be so far removed from what’s going on in their children’s lives it scares me. As a parent we have a responsibility to be engaged in our child’s life. This means paying attention to them when they need it, playing with them without our faces in our phones and putting effort into understanding what’s going on in their life, everything from Facebook accounts to general hobbies. Though I value a child’s privacy, we as parents should still have a good understanding of everything that’s going on in their lives, while still respecting privacy boundaries.

How do you balance engaged parenting while respecting boundaries?

Catherine

plungedindebt.com

What I Love Most about Having Twins!

February 5, 2011 | Leave a Comment

I love having twins! People always ask me if it’s a lot of work and I say, “Sure it is, but it’s worth it.” They truly are a double blessing. Here are some of the best things about having twins.

A Baby for Everyone

One of the first things I loved about having twins, was that they were easy to share. After the boys were born, my Mom and Mother-in-law were so happy that they each had a baby to hold. When people came to visit, there weren’t any awkward, “quit hogging the baby” moments — because there was usually one up for grabs.

Some new mothers feel like everyone is holding their baby but them; or that they only get the baby when they need to be fed or starts crying. Not so much with twins — I am happy to report that I got lots of baby holding time and so did all the other people that love them.

Two Bald Baby Heads with Toothless Grins

Some of my favorite moments of the day, were when the boys would wake up from their naps, or first thing in the morning (especially if they slept in). As soon as I would hear them making cute baby noises; I would go into their room. That’s when I would see the cutest little bald babies smiling at me, with their adorable toothless grins. I loved that!

Rinse and Repeat

Having two infants at the same time was a little intense. The best twin advice I received was “What you do for one, do for the other.” This saved me so much time and frustration. It took a little while for us to get in the groove of things but once I remembered that advice – and put it into practice – things flowed much more smoothly.

They ate at the same time, I changed their diapers at the same time (whether the other one needed it or not), I put them down for a nap at the same time, and as soon their sleep schedules began to sync, life got a tiny bit easier. Plus, I got really good at doing things, because I would do it once and then immediately do it again. Except feeding. I always fed them at the same time, otherwise I wouldn’t have had time for anything else.

Built in Best Friend (wrestling buddy)

My boys always have a playmate. Of course, that can also work against me when they are fighting — but if you have more than one kid it’s bound to happen. When they were newborns, they didn’t really look at each other much but they loved to be side-by-side. One would lay their head on the other’s shoulder or they might hold hands. It was so adorable!

Now that they are older, they have inside jokes, they giggle and chat before falling asleep and again when they wake up, they make up all kinds of fun adventures and work together to achieve a common goal. They are also more confident when experiencing new situations, because they have each other.

Twins Community

I am part of a wonderful community of twin parents. You know how motorcyclists wave at each other as they pass on the road; it’s kind of like that for parents of twins. We might stop to swap stories or just give each other a knowing smile. We share a common bond and it’s always nice to talk to other parents of twins. I especially enjoy meeting twins who are grown-up. They provide fantastic insights.

2-for-1 Deal

It took awhile for my husband and I to have children. We always said we were going to have two; we just didn’t know it would happen at the same time. Sometimes, I wish I could have experienced two pregnancies but I am very thankful for the one I did have. I got two babies and only had to go through labor once — that’s a pretty good deal. Plus, I have two very healthy little boys. I couldn’t ask for more than that.

People Tell Me I’m a Supermom

This is always nice to hear and I really appreciate when people take the time to tell me this. It’s very sweet. Truth is, I think there are a lot of Supermoms (and Dads) out there, who work very hard for their children every day. That’s what being a parent is all about – no matter what hand you are dealt – a good parent will just do what needs to be done to care for their child or children, no matter what.

I once had a lady say to me, “You have twins? Wow! I don’t know how you do it. I have one three year old and it’s insane. I would have killed myself if I had twins.” Yikes! Better me than her I guess.

The Same but Different

My boys share a birthday, they both love superheros and fire trucks, and the both love their dog but they are really so very different. For one thing A. will eat just about any fruit on the planet but N. really only likes apples and grapes (thankfully he’s not as picky about veggies). Before they were even born, A. was pretty chill and N. moved around like a wild man. After they arrived — A. was pretty chill and N. was a wild man.

They don’t look alike, they don’t dress alike and they certainly have different ideas about things — but at the end of the day they are best buddies. If they are apart for any length of time – as soon as they see each other – they are so happy to be together again.

There’s really so much to love about having twins! There’s double the hugs and double the kisses. There is no feeling in the world like holding a sleeping baby in each arm. Sometimes, I still try to carry them both for old times sake, but it’s getting much more difficult.

I am so thankful to be a mother of twins. It has been an amazing experience so far — and the adventure has just begun!

The blessings of raising twins, certainly outweigh the challenges.

Do you have twins? What do you love most about having them?

Brian

Brian is the founder of Kids Ain’t Cheap and is now sharing his journey through parenthood.

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Reviews Coming Soon

October 1, 2010 | Leave a Comment

Parents are a hot demographic. Meaning, companies want to get there message in front of parents because parents buy a lot of things. They buy things for themselves, they buy things for their spouse and they buy things for their kids. With all of this brilliant marketing and advertising being directed at us, it can sometimes be tough to tell the good products from the bad. We will do our best to review as many products as we can and post those reviews in this section. Our reviews will be honest and will reflect that reviewers honest take on the product.