Kids Ain't Cheap

But They Sure Are Worth It

The Piggy Bank Saga

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Ok, so I know I have been blogging about embarking on the wonderful journey of explaining money and budgeting to my kids. Well, turns out, it isn’t as easy as I thought it would be. It Is so hard to teach kids about budgeting when they have a very, very simplistic view of money.

Before you roll your eyes and say ‘I told you so!’, let me just say that I haven’t given up on this project.  In fact, I enlisted the help of my mommy friends (who also happen to be Psychology majors) to give me some tips and ideas about how to do this without breaking my brain.  Here is what I have come up with:  THE PIGGY BANK SAGA.

Ok, I know. You are probably saying ‘but the piggy bank is old news’.  Well, there is a lot of value in things that have lasted decades, and this little object is one such thing.

Some background to the idea behind the pig

Turns out, the piggy bank has been in existence for apparently 4000 years and way before money saving websites like LoveMoney.com! Way back when, when every object was made of clay, jars were created to store money. These were called “pygg jars”, ‘pygg’ here referring to the kind of clay used to make the jar.  By the 18th century, this object began to take the shape of its animal namesake and was made from plastic, plaster, or glass.   Another explanation states that, based on German folklore, a pig is a symbol of good fortune, therefore a vessel for money in the shape of a pig means more wealth or coming wealth.  Whichever history you believe, today the piggy bank is defined by Wikipedia as:

Piggy bank (sometimes penny bank or money box) is the traditional name of a coin accumulation and storage receptacle; it is most often, but not exclusively, used by children.

Here is a picture of a piggy bank (c’mon, humor me here).

traditional piggy bank

Ok, so here is the idea. Take the generic piggy bank and have one for saving, spending, and donating.  First of course, you need to define the terms. I use the most simplistic explanations so I would say something like saving is when we keep the money so that we will have enough to buy ‘x’ item.  Thankfully my son and daughter know the word ‘buy’ so I don’t need to explain that term anymore. Donating would be giving and spending is using the money to buy ‘x,y,z’ items. Or something along those lines, you get my drift.

What a Piggy Bank Teaches Your Kids

I am thinking, and my mommy-psych major friends agree with me, that this will teach the kids the following things without the trauma of deprivation.

  • One, it will give them the idea that there are different actions connected to money.
  • The general idea behind saving, spending, and donating.
  • The value of patience.
  • The value of waiting for something.
  • The value of effort for something desired.

Different Kinds of Piggy Banks

Doesn’t it sound like a marvelous idea?  It is so great when you can teach so many lessons with one simple thing.  It is really easy to start on this project. The materials you will be needing are very inexpensive.  All you need are three piggy banks, or one that has segregations.  If you want to use separate piggy banks, getting the ones with see-through body is best as it give a visual picture of the theory/lesson/activity.  See the pictures below:

piggy bank countersee-through piggy bank

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About money and budgeting, you don’t really HAVE TO stick to the traditional piggy bank (although there are a lot of really cute ones for boys and girls these days).  You can opt for other money carrying objects:

It does not really matter what you use, as long as you get the point of the exercise across.

Now, you also don’t have to go out and buy any kind of money saving vessel.  You can use any old jar, tin, or container.  A lot of my friends save the pretty seasonal tins for tea and use those for odds and ends.  That would be perfect for this project.  Similarly, you can use any mayo jar or cheese spread jar, create a slot for the coins and bills, and you have your pot! A suggestion to get the kids excited is to have them decorate their piggy banks. I know the idea of arts and crafts really gets my kinds excited and quite dedicated.

So, I hope you see some merit in this simple money-saving lesson plan.

 Do your kids have a piggy bank? What do you think of using multiple banks for different purposes?

Joking is an Inexpensive Teaching Tool

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Use joking and pretending for a happy and well-adjusted childI am not known to be a big joker.  In fact, it is a big joke to a lot of very close friends how serious a person I am.  So imagine my apprehension when I discovered that joking around and pretending with your kids is supposedly a good thing for their development.  So, before I started to panic in a major way and blame myself for the millions of moments I missed out adding to their better development by not being a joker, I decided to look into this and see what I missed out on doing, if I missed anything at all even.

The importance of joking and pretending

Turns out child development experts have been doing research into the effect of joking and pretending done by parents with their toddler children.  These researchers found

…that joking and pretending by parents with their toddlers were important in building children’s social skills, learning and creativity.

Wow!  I was beginning to feel really inadequate.  Apparently, I missed out on doing something completely free that was supposed to give them this kick start in life skills!  The target age was 15-24 months and my kids have long passed that mark so did that mean it was too late to start this method of development?

Luckily, upon deeper reflection, it turns out that I am not the humorless rock I have always believed myself to be after all.  Research says that making jokes and pretending when doing things helps kids recognize these concepts, the difference between the concepts, and helps them become more creative, have more humor, promotes sociability, and thinking out of the box.

How to joke with young children

And it isn’t really too hard.  I remember there were so many instances where I was cleaning out a closet or a bag or a box of toys with my two kids and then I would ask them where things would go and they would tell me one place and I would “mistakenly” put it elsewhere.  They would laugh and call me out, and I would gasp with appropriate surprise, and this would send them into fits of giggles over how silly mommy was being.  Other things I would do would be to sing their favorite songs and change up the lyrics, all the time innocently looking at them as if I was singing the correct thing. This again would send them into gales of laughter.  These are just a few of the things I recall doing, so I am not too panicked that I have deprived them of jokes and pretend play since birth and at present.

Have I noticed anything extraordinarily different in the development of my kids? Well, honestly, the non-biased answer is not really.  They seem to me the way normal, adjusted, developing, intelligent, happy kids should be.  I will say that my son loves to make stories up in drawing and sings while explaining his drawings, and my daughter really loves mixing things up as a joke.  Is that normal? I am guessing so. Is it great to see them love to laugh and to know that they get some of that from their staid and serious mom?  It sure is.

What do you think about humor as a teaching tool?

A Lesson in Humility, Understanding and Forgiveness

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I used a drunk driver crashing in my yard as lesson for my children
(via Pixabay)

This was absolutely not the post I had planned on writing this week. You see it all started on Saturday morning at around 12:30am. Everyone in our house was sound asleep but I started hearing the annoying beep of our home alarm system. I think I heard it twice — but I really didn’t want to get out of bed to find out what was going on. It was making the type of sound that occurs when it loses power — not like someone breaking in or anything.

Then Payton started barking. Oy! Now I had to get up. I figured she was just barking at a cat or something, so I hushed her and blindly made my way out into what seemed to be an exceptionally dark living room. I got Payton to stop barking but I could see lights moving around outside the window. It freaked me out and suddenly I heard a loud BAM BAM BAM on the door.

As you might imagine that freaked me out even more! I looked out the peephole in the door and saw a bright light shining straight into it. I headed back to the bedroom to get my husband and ran into what felt like — oh, I don’t know — Freddy Kruger or something! I was terrified and I’m pretty sure I screamed but somehow I didn’t wake the boys. Chris ran out and could see there was a police car outside, some of our neighbors and a lot of bricks and other rubbish.

The Drunk Driver

To make a long story short (actually this is going to be a long story, who am I kidding) a drunk driver had apparently hit our mailbox, plowed through the brick work around it, slammed into a powerbox and then hit our neighbor’s mailbox. Of course, it was no fun waking up in the middle of the night or being scared half to death by my husband but I am a pretty positive person, so of course I was looking at the bright side of the situation.

First of all, things could have been so much worse. No one was hurt. The driver and his passenger were not injured and thanks to that powerbox being hit — it saved our neighbor’s cars (and maybe even their house) from being struck. Though we were without power for a little bit, we did get a new powerbox – which I had been wanting anyway – I just didn’t know how to go about getting one. Also, we met some of our neighbors that we hadn’t introduced ourselves to yet — and they were super nice.

Poor Chris spent Saturday cleaning up the mess. We went to Lowe’s to get a mailbox and post and he – along with our neighbor – installed the newest mailboxes in the neighborhood. It was a pain but like I said before, it could have been so much worse — even tragic. Thank God it wasn’t.

Explaining Jail to Kids

The boys asked questions about what had happened and who hit our mailbox and all of that. We explained that someone had made a huge mistake and this was the result. One of them asked if the person responsible was put in jail — and we said “yes” at least for a day or so. Later in the day A asked what jail was – the boys know it’s where “bad guys” go like in their superhero books and things like that but I don’t think we have ever really explained what happens there. Frankly, I think they are too young to know all of that anyway. Chris told them “It’s like a really long time-out for adults.” That seemed to be easy enough for them to understand.

Look, I have done some stupid things in my life, so you aren’t going to see me throwing any stones! When I found out it was a young kid — it made me all the more sympathetic. Sure, I was irritated that it happened but I can’t even begin to imagine what it felt like for that guy to wake-up in a jail cell  first of all and then to realize he was being charged with DUI. My prayer for him was that he would learn from his lapse in judgement and would think twice before getting behind the wheel after drinking.

Then, I received a knock on my door the following day at around 4 in the afternoon. Anyone who knows me well knows that when Chris isn’t home I don’t answer the door unless:

1. It’s someone I know.
2. It’s an elderly person or a kid.
3. I think I could take the person in a fight.

I guess my mom was really good about teaching me about not opening the door to strangers. Plus – as  I explained in a previous post – I also watch a bit too much Dateline, which probably makes me a little paranoid as well. However, I answered the door without looking out the window or the peephole (again unheard of for me) and there stood a young man who I was sure was going to sell me on some kind of deal that I just couldn’t resist — but no. He simply stated his name and said he was the one who caused all the damage a couple of nights before. I was pretty shocked and I think he realized that. He asked if I could come out so he could speak to me. I told the boys to wait inside but they stood at the screen door and witnessed the entire conversation.

I’ll call him Walter because that’s the first name that came to my mind and I don’t want to use his real name. So Walter – with a spiral notebook in one hand and pen shaking in the other – sincerely and humbly offered me an apology. He explained that he had come over to see if he could help us clean things up but he noticed that we had already taken care of everything. He offered to pay me for anything we had to pay out of pocket. I thanked him and told him it was okay and we would just deal with the insurance company.

He looked me in the eye when he spoke but his head was slightly bowed. I knew that it took every once of courage for him to come and face my neighbors and I. I also know from experience how hard it is to admit your wrongs and try to make amends to people who know you — but to face complete strangers takes an exceptionally brave individual.

I was so moved by his gesture! The mom in me wanted to scold him and hug him at the same time — but I did neither. Instead, I got a little teary as I told him that it meant a great deal to have him come all the way to our house and apologize. I told him he was lucky that something worse didn’t happen — that he could have been seriously hurt or hurt someone else. I also let him know that I really appreciated him coming over to make things right. I shook his hand and thanked him again. As he walked away – A who had been standing there so quietly with his brother – said “Mom, was that the guy that hit our mailbox?” I told him yes and we went inside to have a talk.

Teaching Kids About Responsibility

I told the boys that sometimes people make mistakes — that Walter had made a big mistake but he was very brave to come and ask for our forgiveness. Walter’s actions may have caused me miss a few hours of my beauty sleep but he gave me a priceless moment to teach my children a valuable lesson. I explained to my boys that if you make a mistake in life, you should face it head on and make amends whenever possible even if you aren’t sure the other person will be willing to forgive you — you have to at least try. I also let them know that when someone wrongs you – especially when they approach you with such sincerity – and asks for your forgiveness, you should give it. I think they understood. I hope they did.

And as for Walter, I wish him all the best and pray that this was his wake up call — a reminder to NEVER to drink and drive.

Have you ever used an unexpected event to teach valuable life lessons to your children?

What Can Animals Help Us Teach Our Children

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If an elephant and a dog can get along, then being tolerant of others should be easy
(via CBS Evening News)

It’s important to me that my children grow up to be tolerant and accepting of others.  We have come a long way as a species but discrimination of all kids still runs rampant and will never go away.  I firmly believe that acknowledging that it will never completely go away is the first step towards teaching your children to love, respect and tolerate the differences around them.  There will always be people that pick on or dislike other types of people for irrational reasons.  Whether it’s because they see a weakness they can exploit, a difference that makes them scared, a color that they aren’t used to or a way of life that seems weird to them, people are always going to discriminate, sometimes without even realizing they are doing it.

Teaching Tolerance to Children

So, how do we teach our children to not be discriminatory if we believe that sometimes these reactions are normal?  I think that is one of the reasons why I use the word “tolerant” because it seems like a reasonable goal.  It’s natural for people to react to other people in certain ways based on their experiences in life.  It’s natural for the small shy kid that used to get beat up by the giant guy down the street to be leery and want to avoid people that fit the profile of the giant guy that beat him up.  It may not be rational, just because one giant guy liked to beat up little guys, doesn’t mean they all like to but that doesn’t make the fear any less.  As a personal example, I am not small but I was the geeky awkward kid that got beat up and picked on and at the age of 34, I still get intimidated by people that remind of the bullies that used to pick on me in High School.  I believe, the key is to teach our children to understand this basic concept so when they get past their initial fear or discomfort, they can approach and treat the other person as another human being.  I am using a fairly generic example but the same concept can and does apply to sex, age, race, religion and cultural discrimination.

My kids are only 3 and 5 years old and I am delighted by the fact that they rarely notice differences in people.  They have friends of many different races and of both sexes and have never once appeared to have cared that their friends skin was slightly different.  I think discrimination is something we learn over time from our life experiences and from the people around us that influence our thoughts and guide us in life.

However, just because they have not yet reached an age where they have started noticing differences or acting/thinking about the differences they do notice, doesn’t mean we can’t start teaching our little ones about tolerance and respect for others.

Using animals to teach tolerance

Recently, I have turned to the animal kingdom to show my children two very simple lessons in creatures that couldn’t be any different yet they accepted and loved the other creature without question.  Animals are amazing for many reasons but one of the things you rarely see outside of the human species is that they don’t act cruelly towards others.  Sure, there is plenty of death in the animal kingdom but it’s for a purpose.   The two videos below warm my heard and make my kids laugh.  They show that differences don’t matter and instant connections are possible and wonderful things.

The Orangutan and the Hound

Dog and Elephant Friends

Do you have any more examples of tolerance from animals? How have you tried to teach tolerance to your children?

Spring is Here, Time for Yard Work

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Now that we here in the East have survived a week of nothing but cold and rain the sun is finally out! It was warm at about 70 degrees Fahrenheit and everybody was outside. The amazing thing was how much everything had grown during the week of rain! The grass had been cut right before the rain started and it was over the boy’s ankles already. Of course this then makes me nervous because of the ticks. There is always something to be concerned about.

With the grass and mud I have learned that even a 13 yr. old and a 10 yr. old are in their glory. But, it was also time to pull out the yard tools and get to work. There is always some pulling of teeth (so to speak) to get the boys to want to help. The preteen years are a bit of a juggling act. Ask them if they want to help and they would rather climb a mountain. Tell them they HAVE to help and then you get the “eye-rolling silent breathing gasp treatment”. Finding a happy medium takes not only a concentrated effort on the parents’ part but also amazing is the fact that these almost full-blown teens have the answers to EVERYTHING. And finally, the family is working as a team…sigh.

Teaching children to work for what they want

After getting the work done we all sit outside and relax. My 13 yr. old wants a dirt bike. My 10 yr. old wants anything with a motor. Again we have the “talk” about how if you want something you will have to work to earn it. They both answer at the same time that they know. If they KNOW then why do we need to have this discussion at least once a week?

So we are back to discussing how fast everything grows in the rain and the newest toys they now want/need. They are going to work for what they want and have asked for extra chores. This is going to last until the middle of the week when they have to be reminded if they want those things they need to do the chores.

Two things come to mind when I think about the day. My kids are growing and changing as much as nature has shown us today. As with the flowers and grass my kids need to be fed and guided and yes pruned back every once in a awhile.

Teaching my kids they have to work and earn what they want is very important. I want them to learn how it feels to have earned something rather than just have it handed to them.  They will learn that if they really want something it is worth working hard for and in the end it will show them that they can do pretty much anything they want if they put their minds to it.

Do you give your children chores? Do they earn the money for the extra things that they want?

What Should We Teach Our Kids?

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Manners Can Be FUNValues and manners; I do not know what it was like growing up in your homes but in mine, there was a strong emphasis on both these things. And these were strictly repeated and reinforced in school, and in every given occasion. I used to think that some speeches were redundant and that, by the time I was in high school, I knew a lot of them by heart. But now, being a mother myself, I find that there really is no end to how and why you teach your kids values and manners. Someone’s values really come out in times of trouble. I have come to see that what one values will show anyone who that person is. Manners also show how a person thinks and what a person thinks is right and wrong.Both, to me, are important categories for development in children.

I consider myself still quite young. With only 3 decades under my belt and the good first of it being purely developmental, I would have to say that I certainly have not seen it all. But getting married rather young, getting separated, having two kids, and becoming a single mom to them at a very young age (them and I!); I often wonder how to teach them the things I think are important. Sometimes, I even wonder if what I think is important really is so.Let me run down the values and manners I want to teach my kids.

Manners every kid should be taught:

  1. When asking for something, say “Please.”
  2. When receiving something, say “Thank you.” Be appreciative. Gratitude is always better than expectation. When someone helps you, say “thank you.” That person will likely want to help you again. This is especially true with teachers!
  3. Do not interrupt grown-ups who are speaking with each other unless there is an emergency. They will notice you and respond when they are finished talking.
  4. If you do need to get somebody’s attention right away, the phrase “excuse me” is the most polite way for you to enter the conversation. Also, if you bump into somebody, immediately say “Excuse me.” This phrase goes a long way.
  5. When you have any doubt about doing something, ask permission first. It can save you from many hours of grief later.
  6. The world is not interested in what you dislike. Keep negative opinions to yourself, or between you and your friends.
  7. Do not comment on other people’s physical characteristics unless, of course, it’s to compliment them, which is always welcome. Don’t call people mean names. Do not make fun of anyone for any reason. Teasing shows others you are weak, and ganging up on someone else is cruel. No one likes a bully.
  8. When people ask you how you are, tell them and then ask them how they are. But If this is going to be a long sob story, just say you are fine and return the question. Most of the time, your troubles aren’t of interest to a mere acquaintance so reserve this for friends or family.
  9. When you have spent time at your friend’s house, remember to thank his or her parents for having you over and for the good time you had.
  10. Knock on closed doors — and wait to see if there’s a response — before entering.
  11. When you make a phone call, introduce yourself first and then ask if you can speak with the person you are calling.
  12. Forgo foul language. A potty mouth is very unattractive.
  13. Even if a play or an assembly is boring, sit through it quietly and pretend that you are interested. The performers and presenters are doing their best. And one day, this might even be you.
  14. Cover your mouth when you cough or sneeze, and don’t pick your nose in public. Do not spit on the ground! This is unhygienic and just plain nasty.
  15. As you walk through a door, look to see if you can hold it open for someone else.
  16. If you come across a parent, a teacher, or a neighbor working on something, ask if you can help. If they say “yes,” do so — you may learn something new.
  17. When an adult asks you for a favor, do it without grumbling and with a smile.
  18. Use eating utensils properly. If you are unsure how to do so, ask your parents to teach you or watch what adults do. Keep a napkin on your lap; use it to wipe your mouth when necessary.
  19. Don’t reach for things at the table; ask to have them passed.
  20. Do not shake your legs or put your elbows on the table. They show weak character, nerves, or disinterest.

Important Values to Have:

  1. Kindness- I find that it is always better to be kind than on the defensive.Being on the defensive is just so tiring and, often times kindness gets you better results.
  2. Gratitude- As I mentioned earlier, it is better to know how to be grateful than to be filled with expectation. No one person, whether stranger or family, can be exactly how you want them to be and today, not everyone even acts nicely so being grateful always results in positivity.
  3. Hope- Because when this is gone, there is no meaning to life.
  4. Respect- We live in a world colored by differences and respect for everyone and everything is paramount.
  5. Hard work- “Everyone has to start from some place and most often than not, it is at the bottom” This is a phrase my aunt and uncle have been teaching my cousins all their lives and it is so true.Not only does hard work pay off but it makes what is worked for all the more special.
  6. Faith- whatever you choose to believe in, make sure that you know it well and you believe in it wholeheartedly.
  7. Love- It is what a person breathes to survive. It is important to know how to give this and receive this.
  8. Independence- Because it is very important to know how to do things on your own, even if you have one or a multitude of people ready to do anything for you.
  9. Truth- Really, at the end of the day, there is nothing to be done with a stack of untruths, so why bother shelling them out or receiving them?
  10. Responsibility- unless you want to live on an island, you must become accountable for something or someone at some point in your life.

Both lists for manners and values were listed in no particular order so this means I consider all to be equally important.These were also listed after reflection and a lot of time with my kids. These are living lists meaning they are constantly changing as I go through life and learn myself.

What are some of the values and manners that are important to you?

Single Parenthood and Home Schooling

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single parent homeschoolingSingle parenting is hard. If you are a couple with kids, think of how tough it is to lose weight and double this. Single parenthood has its pro’s and con’s.

The upside to being single parent

Its pro’s include absolute autonomy.  You do not need to confer with anyone when it comes to decisions making about the kids.  You can impart the values you think they should have, teach them what you know, and basically arm them how you think is best.  You are not limited by another person’s thoughts or opinions when it comes to work hours, kids of work, how much you get done or not done around the house.  You are completely free to think of the best possible path for yourself and your kids.

The downside to being a single parent

The con’s include the fact that you have to do all this on your own and this means it is on you to mold these precious beings into happy, healthy, and productive people when they grown older.  It is on you to make sure that they eat at least three square, healthy meals, are schooled properly, are taught what they need to know to function and be independent.  You have no help when it comes to keeping house and home, paying bills, or acquiring assets.

Can a single parent home-school?

All this said, it is hard to imagine how to fit home schooling into a single parents plan. I guess it would all depend on what kind of support system the single parent has. I have heard that in other countries, single parents get a lot of discounts and even financial help from the government.  For some countries apparently, health care and even schooling is free.  I do not know this for sure or as a fact. What I do know is that in my country, single parenthood is hard.

Here, to manage in maintaining food, shelter, health care, and schooling, a single parent needs to either ask for help from better off relatives or have a really good, high paying job, with lots of benefits. Otherwise, single parents work long hours, some with two or more smaller jobs on the side. Some take on night work to make the most of the higher percentages in wages.  And almost all who do it on their own have very little time to spend at home.  And to think that there is no real day care system in my country so kids left at home are often cared for by extended family or a paid, stay-in nanny.

Home schooling, from what I have seen requires one main element- the parent’s time and presence at home to oversee the educational development of the child or children.  How is this to be done when the parent is out of the house?  The recommendation here then is to have a guardian, like an aunt or grandparent take over the teaching.  Is it as effective as the parent doing it?  Home schooling would be a financially lighter and educationally better choice for single parents.  It is cheaper to home school and you have control over what your kids learn, how they learn, etc.  But can it be done for single moms like me?

In a situation where the parent has little time to spend at home, is home schooling still an option?  If so, what is the work-around for the lack of availability?

10 Lessons Learned Since Becoming a Mom

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Rosie the Riviter as a mom
Image by WILPF

The boys’ birthday – and Mother’s Day – are just around the corner. Because of this, I have begun thinking about all of the things I have learned about myself – and life in general – over these past four years.

I also realized, some of these discoveries actually began, just as I embarked on my journey towards motherhood. For instance, I learned that when I really want something – or feel in my gut that I must do something – I will do whatever it takes to attain that goal. If I think back on events in my life, I suppose that would be true but I never realized it before — not really.

My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family a few months after we were married but soon realized — that was something we could not really control. It was during this time that I also learned, if I really want something – and I can’t get it because I really have no control over the situation – it drives me bonkers!

I read at least three books about trying to conceive, I charted my monthly cycles, joined TTC/pregnancy support group, I consumed lots of fertility tea (yes, I really did this) and I did everything I was “supposed” to be doing to ensure success!

But month after month — nothing, and nothing, and a bunch more nothing. It was the hardest thing I have ever been through, or so I thought.

After trying to conceive (TTC) for almost 8 months I FINALLY got a positive pregnancy test. We were elated to say the least! However, that pregnancy wasn’t meant to be.

Back down the roller coaster we flew!

THEN, after almost 2 years we were blessed with our darling boys.

Since that day I have learned…

1. Trust my instincts

The best advice I received, was from my Mom (imagine that). I was just about to go home from the hospital and I had well-meaning nurses giving me conflicting advice. I was confused and stressed — and my hormones were totally out of whack. My Mom said, “You just do what you think is best. You are the Mom. Trust your instincts.” And so I have…it’s worked out okay this far!

2. Moms really can do anything

I have said this for years. If I ever needed anything, I would ask my Mom or one of my friends – who had kids – to help me out. Now that I’m a Mom, I realize it’s because you do what you have to do. Kids rely on their parents for so many things – especially when they are small – so if you can’t do it for them, who will? This is why, even if the request seems impossible, Moms will do whatever it takes to get it done.

3. I am stronger than I ever knew

I am stronger than I ever knew — and I am more capable than I ever imagined. When it comes to my children I will move heaven and Earth to keep them safe and give them what they need.

4. Babies do not read parenting books

Babies don’t always do what parenting books say they will but those books can provide a helpful guideline. It’s just like using GPS — you must use common sense combined with your own intuition.

5. the importance of  the “Mom Look”

It took me awhile to get it down — but it’s amazing how effective it can be.

6. Nothing compares

Although I have always loved and been loved; nothing compares to the intense love a mother has for her child.

7. Story-time before bed is as much for them as it is for me

It’s our sweet snuggle time. I love it!

8. A kiss really can fix just about any boo-boo!

It’s magic!

9. If you sneak up on geese – and surprise them – they will laugh.

This is according to A. I haven’t actually tried to see if this is true yet. It’s amazing how his brain works. The kid cracks me up all day long.

10. Just because I don’t think something is stylish — doesn’t mean it’s not in style.

This I have learned from my trendsetter son N. For about a year and a half, his feet were always covered by frog boots, for about six months he was often spotted wearing his spider-man costume OVER his footie jammies. He is particular about every piece of clothing he puts on. I think we are in trouble!

There are so many wonderful things I have learned — and I know there is much more to come! I can’t wait!!!

*I know this was a Mom centered post, I promise a really great post – for Father’s Day – to honor Dads — because you guys are SUPER important and wonderful too!!!

What are some of the things you’ve learned since becoming a parent?

 

What Customer Service and Parenting Have in Common

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Customer service call centerI had the great pleasure of working in the fine jewelry industry, for almost 15 years. During that time, I learned a lot about what it takes to provide excellent customer service. It takes a lot of hard work, involves admitting when you are wrong, finding ways to resolve issues that seem insoluble and also being a really great listener. Providing exceptional customer service builds trust, loyalty, and positive relationships.

Today, I was trying to think about what I learned – during all of those years – from interacting with many different kinds of people, day in and day out. Then my thoughts turned to how I could (and hopefully do) put those skills to work in my daily life — especially as it relates to parenting.

Hmmmm…I wonder how my children would rate me on a customer satisfaction survey?

You may have heard of tiger parenting, free-range parenting and even helicopter parenting but I have just – this very moment actually – decided to develop a parenting program which I will call Customer Service Parenting!

I know…it does have a catchy ring to it!

Before I go any further, one thing we always hear as it relates to customer service is — “The customer is always right.” Fear not parents! While I certainly don’t believe kids are always wrong – they are still children and have a lot to learn. That being said, unbeknownst to them, my boys teach me things everyday about myself , the world and life — that I never knew before (or perhaps forgot about since becoming an adult).

I stumbled across the article, The Ten Commandments of Customer Service and decided that it provided the perfect customer service tips, to explain how great customer service and great parenting can go hand-in-hand. Let’s get started…

1. Know Who is Boss

Good news, YOU are the boss of your children. They need you to guide them, love them, care for them, set boundaries, and provide discipline when needed. That’s our job as parents. However, we must also keep in mind that just because we are in charge, and just because we are “the boss” — that doesn’t make us infallible.

2. Be a Good Listener

Being a good listener is an important aspect of parenting. I know I often have to remind myself to listen first and react second. I can’t tell you how many times I have misunderstood the intentions of the boys because I didn’t understand what they were saying, or what they were doing. I quickly realized if I had slowed down for a minute – looked them in the eyes – and asked them to explain what they were needing, it would have saved us all a lot of frustration. As in customer service — it is important to identify the needs of your children by asking the right questions, reading their their body language, listening to the tone of their voice and trying to imagine what they are feeling.

3. Identify and Anticipate Needs

The more time you take to really listen and understand your children; the easier it will be to identify and anticipate their needs in the future. As discussed in the Ten Commandments of Customer Service article, a customer’s needs are often times emotional rather than logical — and the same can be said for our children’s needs as well.

4. Make Customers Feel Important and Appreciated

Children who feel important and appreciated are more confident and develop a better sense of self. We must remember to tell our children everyday – several times a day – just how important they are to us. It is also essential that we recognize them for the things that they do — especially when they have the initiative to something with out being asked. Praising their good deeds and wise choices, makes them feel proud and encourages them to repeat the good behavior.

5. Help Customers Understand Your Systems

This is something I learned from watching Super Nanny. She says it’s important to let kids know what you expect from them and what behavior will not be tolerated. This is great because it gives children a general guideline of what is expected of them. If they don’t abide by the “house rules” they get in trouble but they will know why. I often find myself telling the boys not to do something – expecting them to know better – but sometimes they just don’t know. We have not set up house rules yet, but this is something we will be doing soon.

Last summer, bedtime for us became a huge battle. Our boys have always gone to bed very easily but for some reason, things just got really bad. I decided to take Super Nanny’s advice and listed out all of the things that we expected of them at bed time. We also implemented a reward chart and from the very first night it worked! It was incredible!!!

6. Appreciate the Power of “Yes”

This is something I need to work on. Sometimes, it’s just easier for me to say no to things the boys ask because I’m busy, or don’t want to clean up another mess. I am in no way saying to should give in to every whim, want, or whine. However, if we can stop and take a moment to think about what they are asking – and if it’s a reasonable request – you might decide a yes is best. Plus, don’t you just love to see their little faces light up when you say yes to something they really want to do?

7. Know How to Apologize

This is BIG! Parents do make mistakes. We most certainly do! It is very important that we own up to them and let our kids know it. This sometimes involves a heart-felt apology to the kiddos. They will appreciate it more than you know. It’s good for them to see that they aren’t the only ones who make mistakes, that nobody is perfect and that giving a sincere apology can really make a huge difference. It may not fix a broken vase but it can melt away anger and resentment.

8. Give more than Expected

This one is not about material things. This is about giving more of YOU — your time, attention and love. Children are only little for a very short time, why not take the extra five minutes to read them another book, or play catch a little longer, or let them have a little extra time at the park? The dishes can wait! We have those to do for the rest of our lives — but having little ones in the house goes by in a flash. Give you children more of your undivided attention and I promise you will never regret it!

9. Get Regular Feedback

Getting regular feedback from your kids can be a great way to keep communication open. This is especially important when you have older children. Find out what kids feel about the vibe in the house. Are the house rules fair and if not, why? What would they like you to do more or less of? Having a family meeting once a month to discuss these things can be really great for a family! Be sure to really listen to what they say, check in with them to make sure things are going well, and be open to constructive criticism as well.

10. Treat Employees Well

This has to do with you and your spouse. In this customer service parenting scenario you are both the employees. It is your responsibility to treat each other well, provide a united front, and stay connected. With all of the hustle and bustle of our daily life, it is easy to forget why we fell in love and had kids in the first place. We all need to make sure to compliment, love, support, and encourage each other as much as we possibly can. This essential to a blissful marriage and happy family life. Children who know that their parents love and respect each other feel much more secure. So please parents — don’t forget to take time for yourselves. Date nights are so good for you and they are FUN!

So, it seems pretty clear; if we provide our children with the best customer service we can — we will all be so much better for it! We all have room to improve, I’m going to start today!!!

How do you think your kids would rate YOU on a survey?

Seeing The Emotional Side of Our Children

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Piglet
Photo by Soil-net.com

It has been a long week here. Hamilton the baby piglet has passed away due to a congenital problem. I received the phone call the other morning from my future son-in-law that something was wrong with “Hammy”. I jumped up and got dressed and my daughter was at work. We decided not to tell her right away because there was no need to upset her if it wasn’t serious.

The vet checked Hammy out and ran tests but sent us home to wait for the results. We told my daughter. Hammy was not getting better so we called the vet back and brought him back in. By the time he was rushed back the vet said to get him to Tufts Animal Hospital right away.

Death of a pet

To make a long story short I was home with my family and my daughter called me hysterical. Hamilton had passed away in her arms 15 minutes from the hospital. There was absolutely nothing I could do to help my daughter feel better. They went to the hospital because Kay had to know what happened and they told her it looked liked something he had been born with. They took Hammy home and asked if I wanted to be there for the burial. As you all know I helped raise him and I had to be there for the kids.

We are all still heartbroken. My daughter and her fiancé are still grieving. I received a phone call that night and this is exactly what was said to me, “Mom, I feel as though I have lost a baby and it shouldn’t hurt this bad.” My heart was so heavy and I was so frustrated because there was not ONE thing I could say to make her feel better.

Even her brothers ages 13 and 10 years were grieving. My 13-year-old son walked off on his own and just stared out at the river. He couldn’t deal with his sister and her fiancé actually crying. My 10-year-old son stayed close but I could tell he didn’t know what to do. He wanted so much to say something but had no clue what words to use.

When we left my daughters house and returned home we still needed to have dinner. My boys told me that they would give all of their money to K and C to help pay for the doctors for Hammy. My heart lurched again.

I have now learned that there are times when we will really have to watch our children hurt right from the core of their beings. And that there is nothing we can do to stop it but give them love and space.

Being a parent is so much work but seeing the love in my kids does make me so proud. RIP Hamilton, you will certainly always be in our hearts.

Have you ever experienced the death of a pet with children around?

Tips for Approaching Parents of Twins

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Having twins requires a special parenting styleAs I have mentioned many times — I’m a Mom of twin boys and I absolutely love it! I have never minded the attention that has come because of our double blessing. I think most parents of twins agree that it’s fun (as long as you aren’t in a big hurry) and you get to talk to a lot of nice people.

When the boys were babies, people would stop to talk to us wherever we went. I suppose it’s hard to miss someone walking by with a double stroller that contains two precious, rosy cheeked babies. Some of the most common questions we were asked – and still get – are:

  • Are they twins?
  • Are they identical?
  • Which one was born first?
  • Do twins run in your family?
  • How far apart are they?
  • What are their names?

I honestly don’t mind answering questions about the boys — and I haven’t really been offended by any we’ve been asked (not yet anyway). Some inquiries seem a tiny bit personal, but I have those types of answers all prepared. I’m a people person – and I’m also pretty easy going – so it hasn’t ever bothered me too much. My husband used to get a little annoyed with the “Are they twins” question when the boys were babies. He always wanted to say “No, they are triplets but we left one at home.” He never said that though. Of course, now when people ask us if the boys are twins – I don’t really blame them because they don’t look a like. Actually, A. is usually an inch and a half, to two inches taller than N. — always has been.

The fact of the matter is, twins and other multiples are fascinating to a lot of folks. They were always interesting to me, and I guarantee you I asked some silly questions. This is why I thought if I gave you some information about twins — it could help you out when approaching these families.

Facts about twins

Here are is a quick fact about twins that you might find very helpful — especially if you don’t know a lot about them.

What is the difference between fraternal and identical twins?

Our boys are fraternal, which means are as different as any other set of siblings — they just happen to be born at the same time. Fraternal twins occur because of a double ovulation; two separate eggs and fertilized separately. Sometimes when people stop us to ask if the boys are twins, they seem surprised and say, “Well, they don’t look alike.” Not all twins look alike they can actually look very different. One such example would be boy/girl twins — now that’s different! I know some people who have b/g twins who get asked frequently if they are identical — I think I may have asked this question myself before. The answer is always no and here’s why.

Identical twins are a result of one egg and one fertilization — what happens is, the egg  splits. These twins will look very much alike because they share the same DNA. This is why b/g twins can’t possibly be identical. When identical twins are infants – and even as they grow – it may be very difficult for people to tell them apart. However there are certain markings, mannerisms and other subtle differences that can help. Of course, it is important t remember that just because these twins look the same on the outside; they are still different people.

Questions and Comments to Avoid

Even well meaning people can make comments without thinking things through. Some of the most common comments that parents of twins get – and you should avoid saying – are:

“Looks like double trouble.”

If I had a nickle for every time I heard this, I’d have enough money saved up to send both boys to college. People say it because it’s a catchy rhyme I guess — but I would suggest saying something like “Looks like a double blessing” or “You’ve got double the joy.” These positive comments go over much better with parents of twins. I have had people say these things to me and I appreciated it.

“How do you do it?”

To which I say — “I just do it.”

“Better you than me!”

Yes — I agree!

“Oh, he must be the smart one.”

Uh…yeah…they are both very smart, thank you very much.

“Your kids are both cute, but she is much prettier.”

This wasn’t said to my kids — but a stranger did say this to a twin mommy friend of mine. I was shocked when she told me, but what made it worse was that her six year old girls heard the whole conversation. Since that time I have read several posts from other moms who have had the same experience. The sad thing is – many times – it’s family members who will say it and even do so in front of the kids.

“Did you have an IVF (in vitro fertilization) done?”

Before I answer, may I ask how your children were conceived?

“Do twins run in your family?”

Yes, and usually in different directions…haha! I actually just saw this on a t-shirt but I’m totally using this next time someone asks. This question is a more polite way of asking someone if they used fertility treatments to conceive their twins. Before asking this question, I recommend getting to know the person a little better first.

As I said before, I know people mean well. We’ve all said silly things – without completely thinking things through – at one time or another. I know I have done it many times. Nobody’s perfect…

Got twins? What are some things you wish people knew about them? Don’t have twins but have a question you’ve been wanting to ask?

Warning: When Explaining Things to Children; Think Before You Speak

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When our betta fish dies, I had to explain it to my kids
Photo from DeviantArt

When our Betta fish – Nemo – died, I wasn’t really sure how to explain it to my then, 2 year old twins. While we were out, he had jumped from his bowl and plunged to his death. I was shocked and sad — but most of all I was afraid the boys would be inconsolable. They really loved that fish.

What to tell your children when a pet dies

They saw my shock (yes — I know it was a fish, but I love all my pets) and started to ask what happened to Nemo. The first thing I blurted out was, “Nemo must have gone home to visit his Mommy and Daddy.” At this point my husband looked at me and said something like, “Just tell them what happened.” I don’t like lying to my kids — but I felt like telling them the truth would steal some of their innocence. I knew he was right, so I had to retract my story, and tell them that Nemo had indeed died.

Of course, they didn’t know exactly what this meant so I said, “Nemo went to Heaven.” One of their grandfathers past away shortly after their 1st birthday.  We have always talked about their Papa being in Heaven with Jesus, so I knew they would sort of understand what I meant by that.

I remembered seeing a Cosby Show episode where Rudy’s goldfish died. The family gathered around the toilet, said some nice words and flushed it. That seemed like it might be a good idea. We took our sweet Nemo into the bathroom, said some nice words, told him good-bye and flushed him down the toilet. Before the lid even shut A. turned to me and said, “Can we get another Nemo?” That made me wonder why I had even bothered with my story in the first place. Lesson learned.

We did get another Betta, his name was James. Yes — I said was. He lived about a year and then passed away. I told the boys straight up what happened; he died, he’s in Heaven with Nemo and all of that. I flushed him on my own, since it seems as though I’m the only one in the family who cares when our fish die. In case you are wondering –  we did get a new Betta – his name is Firefish Sam.

All poop goes to heaven

So anyway — last summer I began potty training the boys. They were doing pretty well and N. was really getting the hang of pooping in the potty. One day – as I was emptying out his potty chair into the toilet – he turns to me and in all seriousness says “My poop go to Heaven with Nemo and James and Papa?”

Uh Oh! What had I done? Since that time, I have had to explain over and over that the toilet is not the gateway into Heaven. However, I’m not sure if they completely believe me.

It was funny. It totally caught me off guard. It made me realize just how important it is to think about what I am saying, before I attempt to explain things to the boys.

Oh – and when Firefish Sam dies – he’ll be buried; not flushed.

How have you explained death to your children?

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